Forgive me
by OnceUponMyDayDreams
Summary: She tried to push away the images of him standing between her and his 'wife' and yelling at her. Zelena's tricks didn't matter; he had chosen a dead woman while she'd been holding on to a taped together page of what he'd given her as hope. And she screamed, cried and clawed at her chest. And she didn't know if she could forgive him for tearing her apart again. OutlawQueen endgame.
1. Chapter 1

**Set right after 4x19 Lily**

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She slowly pushed the door closed with a soft click, her fingertips numb against the smooth surface of the white, polished wood, her other hand barely registering the harsh contrast between her warm hand and the cold brass handle. She stood still there for a few minutes, body rigid, leaning a little on her arms with her hands still against the door. She could feel a torrent of emotions swirling in her chest, in her heart and mind, and it was so strange, just standing there, feeling her heart squeeze as if it was physical pain, her throat tighten, eyes fixed on the white door, unable to actually focus on her emotions, and feel them. It was too much, and her breathing was so steady, because she couldn't seem to expand her lungs too much without it hurting. She knew she was a bow strung tight, and anything would set her off. She didn't want to breathe too deeply; it threatened to break the bizarre calm. So she focused on breathing, shallow breaths, in and out, in and out, and stepped back from the door.

Her heeled boots clicked loudly against the shiny floor, echoing in the big empty mansion as she very, very slowly stepped back from the door and into the house, each slow, shaky step accompanied by an exhale, an inhale, shallow, each breath shorter than the next, and she knew she wouldn't last long. Up the few steps to the dining room, not really caring where she was headed, just keep moving… She tried her hardest to push away the images swirling in her head, of him standing between her and another woman and yelling at her, telling her that- No, she cut off the memory before it became full in her mind's eye. But the adrenaline and the rush of this crazy day had worn off, the pain in her chest was becoming more acute, like spasms that threatened to bend her over in pain, and she tried to breathe through it, through the tears pooling in her eyes, didn't dare close her eyes lest they spilled over. Exhale, inhale, too shallow.

She stopped though, placing her keys on the dining room table without even realizing what she was doing, her hand froze as she let them go. And she panicked, knowing the damn was going to break. What was she thinking turning down Henry's request to come home and telling him to stay one more night with the Charmings? She should have taken up Emma on her offer to accompany her to bring Lily to Mal, she should have gone to check on Belle and made sure she hadn't said anything about her heart and their deal. Anything to keep herself busy and avoid this moment, this happening right now where she was starting to hyperventilate and the tears had overflowed and her knees were giving out and she had no control as she doubled over, barely catching herself when she fell to her knees as agony worse than any physical pain rippled through her, and she opened her mouth to scream.

But on her knees, in the dinning room of her home, one hand on the floor and the other pressed to her chest, she couldn't utter a sound. It was a silent torture, as images of him protecting his 'wife' swirled before her eyes, his harsh words echoed in her ears and his blue eyes rejecting her as he moved closer to her sister. And she didn't even matter. And finally she screamed, a full pained cry, because it didn't matter what Zelena had done, it didn't matter what tricks she had played. He, all by himself, wholeheartedly, had once again, chosen a dead woman over her.

And she screamed, cried out and clawed at her chest, clawed at the cold floor, screamed and cried and sobbed, pushed the table besides her in rage and made the vase topple over from the table and shatter into a million pieces, and it didn't matter, she knew it did but right now it didn't, he chose her again, and she had been so stupid, holding on to hope, while he was fucking another woman, and she screamed louder as imaginings of him on top of her sister flashed in her mind, her magic relishing in her rage and anguish and unleashing, and she saw him loving her and touching her like he once did her, and all she heard was her blood rushing in her ears, not the explosion and glass shattering. He's been making a happy family while she's been looking at a taped together picture of what he'd given her as hope for them. And she cried louder, enraged with herself, not registering the strain to her throat and warmth spread in her veins as fire consumed her and she's been such a fool, she's been so stupid here looking for a way, for something, for anything, losing sleep over memories of them together, holding out, holding on, and he's been fucking another woman. And she screamed a tormented cry, long and loud and anguished and it faded it out into broken sobs, and she was warm, hot and her tortured sobs wouldn't let her breathe, it was becoming difficult to breathe, and she coughed, coughed and coughed and her rage disappeared as dread spread through her because she couldn't catch her breath and her vision cleared, and everything was in shades of orange and yellow and burning red and she couldn't breathe because of the smoke.

Suddenly there was a hand on her shoulder and she was snapped out of her daze even though she couldn't breathe, and the hand was shaking her and someone was calling her name and trying to pull her to her feet just as her magic finally reeled back into herself, her rage gone once she realized what was happening and the fire was gone, but she was dizzy, coughing and not taking in any air, the smoke strong on the objects charred by the fire and she was lightheaded, being carried in someone's arms and when fresh air hit her lungs, she almost chocked on it with relief, gasping and failing to get her breathing back under control.

She managed, eventually, and finally focused on the person in front of her who had guided her breathing until she had taken back control of her basic instincts. She looked away, embarrassed, avoiding eye contact and realized she was sitting outside on her front door steps, and he was crouched in front of her where he'd been holding her chin towards him a moment ago trying to get her to breathe.

"What are you doing here?" She snapped, feeling too exposed and vulnerable, and weak, tired, exhausted, and her voice was sore, her throat burned. She could feel the tear tracks on her face, sticky and dry. Her eyes burned, they were surely red, and she was in desperate need of a tissue, sniffing back snot in the most undignified way. She dismissed her thoughts from earlier, about being around people to avoid her emotions and her pending break down. She really did want to be alone, she wanted to lock herself up and lick her wounds, she didn't want anyone seeing her like this.

"I would apologize for coming over unannounced, but considering," he didn't finish the sentence, he didn't have to. "I think it best we take you to a healer, you inhaled a lot of smoke."

She rejected the idea quickly, snapping at him again, refusing to let another soul see her like this. "I'll be fine, I'll just magic this whole mess clean, including myself." She said, avoiding his helping hand as she stood up and looked into the house through the open door and shattered windows, seeing burned curtains and broken vases, the polished brown of the dining room set stained with black, and the walls… she looked down, ashamed. She had lost it completely, and her heart clenched, the momentary distraction wearing off and the memories coming back, the pain coming back. And it was crippling.

"Regina, I saw Robin at the camp, he didn't say much, but I figured…" again, he didn't finish his sentence, and although she was grateful that his talking to her once again momentarily distracted her from the full impact of everything, the topic wasn't helping. "And I just wanted to say I was sorry, and see if you were all right."

"I'm fine." She snapped again, but then reconsidered her reaction, knowing he was just trying to help. "Thank you." She added in a softer tone, still avoiding his eyes and surveying the damage. She needed to clean it up now, quickly before anyone walked by and saw this mess. She didn't need anyone else on her about this. "Thanks Dale, but I really need to start cleaning this up."

He got the message loud and clear, she noticed he knew when not to push her, and he softly albeit reluctantly bid her farewell and slowly started to back away. And she was relieved for half a second, walking up the steps just as she had no more than half an hour ago, before the dread squeezed at her heart again and she went stiff, everything coming back and she focused on her breathing again, tried to handle it all like an adult and she willed her feet to keep going but she was petrified, already tearing up and –

"Dale?" She asked almost timidly, fearing he'd be too far by now, but his answering voice reached her quickly and when she turned around he was already briskly walking back towards her and finding something else to focus on, anything, no matter how insignificant, the pain and the sorrow and everything crushing her to the ground lessened its impact, even if just a little.

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**Please review and tell me what you think. I would like to continue this into a multi-chapter story about OQ, but please let me know first if you'd like that,**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much everybody! It felt so great seeing how many people were enthusiastic about this fic. I understand a lot of your concerns and hope you will continue to read this fic and find out what it's all about. I try to focus on the characters' reactions and dialogue and make it as mature and realistic as possible. I hope you enjoy!**

"_Robin!" He yelled before reaching him, watching him place Roland in Little John's capable hands, and the little boy buried his face in the crook of his neck, the little plush monkey squeezed between them. He waited a few moments for Little John to step away, and the next words he said in a low yet harsh whisper, gritted out between his teeth. "Have you gone mad?" _

_Robin sighed as he turned towards his newest recruit, knowing he was about to get an earful. Alan-a-Dale loved to pick his brain about every little thing, questioning him and second guessing his every move. Though he was very skilled with a sword and not bad with a bow and arrow, and could rob even the most skilled and trained guard blind, he still had a lot to learn about the 'honor' part of being a merry man. "Dale, I must." He kept his voice low, not wanting any of the strangers around them hearing. Yet his voice carried a more concerned tone and it seemed Dale noticed, because his outraged look turned skeptical. Robin noted his confusion and elaborated, turning his gaze towards the little boy now playing with the stuffed toy, bouncing on Little John's shoulders. "She just saved my boy's life! I owe her!"_

_Dale scoffed and lowered his voice even more, trying get his point across in the harshest tone possible while keeping others out of the conversation. "She's the Evil Queen." He almost spat out the tittle, saying it as if Robin hadn't noticed yet. "She ruined thousands of lives, she owes everybody!" Dale was almost red in the face. _

_Robin just sighed again. "I know, I know." He said almost exasperated. "I know who she is and I know what she's done, but she just placed herself in front of a monster for my son." His eyes drifted in the direction the Queen had already started on, his eyes following her retreating form for a few silent seconds. He lost himself in thought, thinking about the way she smiled at his son. "I owe her." He repeated almost breathlessly. But he was snapped out of his daze by a hard shove to his shoulder._

_Dale looked at him incredulously, eyes wide and mouth agape. "Has she cursed you?" _

_Robin did a double take. "What? No!" But Dale just continued to stare at him as if he had grown to heads. "Look, despite everything I know, I just saw her save a child, almost out of instinct, with no agenda." He tried to explain as best as he could. "That flying beast was going for her and she saved Roland. She put him out of harm's way, and asked for nothing in return. That has to count for something." _

_Dale didn't look the least bit convinced, still staring at his leader with a skeptical look, his honey brown eyes darting from the road the Queen had disappeared on and him. But Robin had to hurry, he wanted to look out for any other beasts going after her, and she was a fair way ahead of him now. So he placed his hand on Dale's shoulder, hoping the other man wouldn't see the gesture as menacing or condescending, looking directly into the troubled man's eyes, a task not difficult to accomplish considering they were the same height, and tried to make him understand "It's just the right thing to do, Dale." And took off._

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The alarm kept beeping and beeping, louder and louder and vibrating noisily against the nightstand until she had no choice but to reach an arm out from under the warm cocoon of the blankets and covers and blindly try to shut it off. She succeeded after a few huffs of annoyance, and the room went silent again.

And it was blissful for a moment, closing her aching eyes again, before she started to contemplate why her eyes felt so puffy, and why she had the beginnings of a hangover. It hit her like a physical blow to the chest, a knot quickly forming in her throat, her eyes snapped open and she met the ceiling, and she wished more than anything that she could just go back to sleep and go back to blissful ignorance. She was really considering it, when the alarm went off on her phone again and she literally growled as she set up and went for her phone, needing to forget everything again, and the sound to stop hammering in her ears, but paused midway, remembering something more important.

She'd promised Henry she'd take him to breakfast before school. It was the only way he'd let her go back to the mansion without him. He'd been so afraid that she'd push him away again. So she'd promised it was just for one night, one night to process this whole mess alone. But Henry wouldn't budge, until his favorite breakfast at Granny's with her company was promised.

She sighed and turned off the alarm, pushing the covers off. The maddening pounding in her skull helped, it drowned out everything else as she tried to make it to the medicine cabinet in the adjacent bathroom without running into any furniture or walls. All she could think about was aspirin. No time to focus on heartache.

The hot shower took away the last remnants of the effects of her abuse of alcohol the night before, but she quickly regretted the aspirin. Now her mind was clear, and her chest was tight again. She started to remember everything more clearly. And her heart squeezed like a vice. It was as if it was happening again, her sister's smiling face, Robin's horrified eyes… And her hear clenched again. Robin…

Tears quickly started to mix with the warm water, and her hands clenched in her hair a bit too tight as she rinsed the shampoo off. It hurt, it really hurt. Her mind flooded with his face, his smile, the feeling of his arms wrapped around her tightly, his sweet manly voice, his tender eyes, and then it was all replaced by his harsh eyes, one hand outstretched towards her to keep her away from her sister, his voice reproaching in a way that it had never been directed at her. _I'm with her!_ And she sobbed softly under the warm water.

His lips pulled in a disbelieving scowl and disgust at Zelena standing before them crossed her mind's eye, and she felt even worse. He's been betrayed too. And she might be in pain, but so was he. It hurt more this way. She knew what it felt like to be used as a pawn for somebody else's endgame, following somebody you thought wanted something good for you, but could care less. And he'd been used in the most awful way possible. And she cried harder, because he was in pain, her soulmate was in pain and she could almost feel it, and her arms craved to wrap him up in her arms and hold him. But the mere thought of him sent her almost crumbling to the ground in pain, because he didn't want her arms, he wanted Marian.

She thought he wanted her, had really chosen her, but he'd gone back to 'Marian'. And if even her soulmate wanted someone else above her, then what hope did she have for a happy ending. And she felt like a fool for believing it at all in the first place. For taking the bait and arguing until she was red in the face when he'd tried to get under her skin in the Enchanted Forest and he had that stupid smirk on his face. Hated herself for not putting her walls up higher and being so vulnerable –having to see Henry but him not remembering her was probably the hardest thing she's ever had to go through - and free falling for his dimples and caring eyes and the way her heart fluttered every time he presented her with a drink. For listening to Snow and going after him in the woods when he lost her heart. For letting him kiss her and make her forget who she was, believing she could be his second chance, and he hers. For letting him convince her the stars had finally aligned for them, in his arms in front of the fire.

Henry. She had to focus on Henry. She turned the faucet off and hurriedly got out of the shower, her hands trembling slightly as she wrapped herself up in a fluffy towel, trying not to focus on anything else. He'd gone back to her, eventually. Shared with another mother, but he was there, and wanted to come home sometimes, and spend time with her. She knew her worth, she knew that after everything she'd done, what little she got from her son was a miracle, because she didn't deserve him at all. Second best, because he still spent more time with the Charmings than with her, 'making up for lost time'. And she'd accepted it, anything for Henry. And she'd accepted that from Robin too, for a while, when 'Marian' had been under the frozen curse, she had let herself go in his arms despite him choosing his wife, and she had been willing to take any scraps he offered her, any affection to soothe her traumatized heart. And she had let herself believe every touch, every groan of her name and every kiss against her skin, all the while knowing she would be cast aside soon enough, when his wife woke up. But he didn't, he sought her out and had made her believe he wanted her despite who she was and had been, chose her over anybody else, and his loving eyes directed towards her despite his believed first love standing so close playing with their son had been the balm to her broken soul.

Once again she tried to reel her thoughts in and hurry up and get ready, or she would be late and she didn't want Henry having to rush his breakfast, eating quickly had always given him indigestion. Hair and make-up were done, concealing the redness of her eyes and she applied a bit of a darker shade on her eye brows than she usually did these days. She needed it today. She needed to look the strong and higher-than-though, intimidating Queen today. She didn't need anyone looking beneath the exterior today. Or any day, from now on if she could help it. She's had enough, no more heart to hearts. If she wasn't made for a happy ending, that's fine. She'll fight the author tooth and nail for Henry, for keeping him in her life no matter what, no matter how little, but it's the only thing she wouldn't give up on. Everything else, she didn't care anymore.

She'd had to run into the same wall like three different times, braking her heart and bleeding, but she finally got the message. As much as she didn't deserve a happy ending, she knows she doesn't have to stand there and watch her heart getting stomped on either. She'll try to regain as much as she can of her dignity, since she decided to give it up so easily for one man. Her soulmate… but he didn't want her, and she would learn to live with it, paying for her sins. Tears helped too, but not right now.

Clothes were next, and of course she could see the red dress out of the corner of her eye in her huge closet, no matter how much she tried to ignore it today. He'd barely gotten her out of it that night before-

Damn it! She needed to focus, she was late, very late. She was never late!

She quickly got some pantsuits out and a navy blue blouse, rushing to find the right set in her underwear drawer, a dark blue set and threw it on as fast as possible, careful with her hair and make-up, booted heels to go with the outfit and rushed out of the room, focusing on getting out of the house and to her son, and then to Emma so they could overlook Whale taking Zelena's blood samples at the jail and she could teach Emma how to reinforce the magic shield around the bars herself, just so she didn't have to see her sister's face every day until the end of time. She quickly climbed down the stairs, stopping at the closet to get a warm coat. Then she should go to her office, bury her head in work for a while. Yeah, it sounded like a busy enough day to keep her mind off of everything else. She could do this, she could hold it together, she'd shed enough tears and drowned in her sorrow –and finest liquors- enough last night to hold out for the day. And she probably would again when the day was over. But she would keep busy for as long as she could in the meantime.

"Regina?"

She squealed, startled, not even pondering on the improper sound that left her lips, but mortified that she had let someone surprise her, though a fireball had already formed in her hand out of instinct as she turned towards the intruder.

Dale raised his hands in a show of peace, her to-go coffee mug raised above him in his left hand, standing by her dining room and she had completely forgotten about him. He'd been here yesterday, had saved her from suffocating and then had helped her 'clean up', which really just consisted of him picking up a broken vase before she magiked everything back to its place and proper state as he stood there trying to lighten up the atmosphere with a bad joke about rich maids with magic.

Then he suggested a drink to calm her nerves, because she hadn't noticed she had been shaking. So she had led him to the living room, though he knew the way, had been in her house enough times in the past few weeks to know her first floor inside and out. And he'd poured them each a glass of bourbon after she dropped the whiskey bottle because of her shaking hands. And she'd been tense and rigid the first few glasses, because even though he'd been around a lot the past couple of months –she'd said no from the get go, but he'd told her he promised Robin to look after her- worming his way into her daily life, trying to get her to trust him and not be so wary of his presence in her life, they had never talked about anything serious, never mentioned the topic of Robin and Marian, only made small talk about her mayoral duties and him finding something he would like to get into since stealing for the poor wasn't necessary here. And she never asked why he agreed to look after the Evil Queen, too afraid that the little bit of Robin she had around would walk away.

And she had no intention of drinking so much, but then she had started laughing at his hopeless attempts at making her laugh and lighten up and forget, and after an hour of gulping down the liquid that burned her insides, she'd cried, and he'd listened. And she'd felt no shame in her inebriated state, and he'd pretended to be as drunk as her, but he'd only had a couple of glasses. He'd told her she deserved better and she had laughed, and cried some more, before deciding she needed to go to sleep, otherwise she wouldn't be able to get through breakfast with Henry. Dale had had to help her set up her alarm, and then she'd walked up the stairs as he stood at the foot of them, watching wearily as she almost stumbled back down twice.

"What are you still doing here?" She nearly yelled as she extinguished the flame in her hands. She did not need to see him right now, her face was already burning with embarrassment. She hadn't been in her right mind yesterday, am emotional mess and she didn't need anyone calling her out on it, she felt humiliated enough as it was.

He lowered his arms and took cautious steps towards her, seeing her temper burn and not wanting to piss her off anymore. "I just thought I'd stick around, in case something like yesterday happened again."

She gritted her teeth, burning holes into him with her glare. "I don't need a babysitter." She said carefully, unbelieving that he was still walking closer to her. Who did he think he was?

He stopped at an arm's length away from her, and stretched out his arm with her to-go mug. "It seemed like the right thing to do at the time." He wasn't being fair, he was offering her her favorite beverage, but she pushed the thought away, focusing instead on her anger, however misplaced it may be. "But you are right, and I apologize, milady."

What the hell was she supposed to say to that? He was being nice and she was being a bitch, and he just- what the hell? She was still burning from embarrassment, and anger and this was good, she wasn't feeling any pain, just keep distracted and get to Henry. She snatched the mug from his hand and didn't care he was a bit taller than her, even if she was in heels, and glared him down as she pulled the door open with probably more force than was necessary, stepping back for him to walk out first. "Don't call me that."

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"_Don't call her that." _

_Dale scoffed at his leader's words. "Then what am I supposed to call her now? Miss Nice Queen?" _

_Robin stood back up from his crouching position where he'd just put down a heavy bag of supplies from the pile outside he and his men were moving in. Now at eye level with the other man, he looked at him exasperatedly, getting really tired of him on his back about the Queen ever since they'd arrived after the single was given to move in. "Look, I get it Dale, I get it because I personally spent many a day running from her black nights, and so much more." Dale opened his mouth to interrupt him, but Robin beat him to it. "But I also believe a person can change. _We_ believe that people can change, it's our main principle! You wouldn't be with us otherwise!" _

"_But nobody can change that much!" Dale argued in a harsh whisper, outraged that his leader was willing to give someone so dark the time of day. "It could all be a trick! She's even got the prince and princess wrapped around her finger. Who knows what she's planning!"_

"_Yes, you are right, which is why we will continue to tread as carefully as possible. But consider the fact that her worst enemies are working alongside her. They shared a common interest, a child, and for him she turned her life around, it's a powerful love-"_

"_Love? You really believe she's capable of Love?"_

"_Look at her!" Robin wanted to yelled, pointing as discreetly as possible towards the Queen standing on the other side of the main entrance with the prince and princess and the woman with the red streaks in her hair, and they were talking about the security of the castle, he knew, but the Queen was looking into space, a solemn look on her face, the spark the encounter with the Wicked With had ignited long gone, and her jaw was set tight, lost in thought. "She lost her child. She's in pain. She's human." But Dale had his back to her and had no intention of turning around, until Robin looked at him almost menacingly and gritted out between clenched teeth, "Just look at her." _

_And Dale huffed and turned around, and looked at the Queen… really looked at her._

**We all know how little Regina thinks of herself, how underserving she believes herself to be, and after everything that's happened, I just know this is how she'll be feeling. I honestly thought about this fic since the week before when Robin kissed 'Marian' in front of the mirror, but decided to wait and see what else could happen. And after he said he'd gotten her pregnant, I knew Regina deserved better. But now I'm also seeing that a lot of people are being sympathetic towards Robin because maybe he was cursed or something. What if it's true? Then I feel this fic might be just a waste of time. But I hope you liked it anyways, and let me know what you think, your reviews really mean a lot to me!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I apologize for the delay, but no joke, this is what happened: I had written a wonderful chapter and was only a few paragraphs short and I would finish it, when my laptop just crashed, completely, wouldn't turn on at all and I had to take it to warranty, where they had it for a month, and I was so mad and upset that I wouldn't use the temporary replacement to write and when I finally got mine back, of course nothing was salvaged and the drive had been whipped clean, and again, I was so mad and upset that I couldn't write. Until I finally got over it and wrote ¾ of the original chapter before I kind of decided it had been just too long and I can work the last been into the next chapter.**

**So again, I'm sorry, and I'm now using a constant back up, so this won't happen again. Enjoy!**

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The man was always looking at her now, and that unnerved Robin, for a million reasons he'd rather not ponder on right now.

They had been in the ballroom celebrating the finding of the long lost princess Rapunzel, when he'd once again noticed. Music was playing gaily as people danced and twirled to it joyfully, forgetting the worries that weighed on the kingdom for a little while. Everyone laughed and cheered and smiled and the atmosphere was lighter than Robin had ever seen it.

Except around the Queen.

Robin watched from where he stood on the balcony as she walked languidly and aimlessly through the garden under the faint moonlight, her dress flowing around her, her heels clicking softly against the concrete trail, her hands clasped in front of her, head held high, back straight. To any onlooker they would see the Queen taking a leisure walk, maybe to get away from the commotion of the party.

But he knew better. He'd seen her face when Princess Rapunzel had been reunited with her parents. She had tried to hide it and since no one ever looked her way or paid any mind to her 'required' presence, she had almost succeeded. But he had glanced her way and stopped to see the deep pain in her eyes. And the next second it was gone and she was forcing a smile to her face, but he could see her jaw clench and eyes shine with tears she quickly pushed back. Little John had said something and he turned his attention back to his men, thankful they had all been too engrossed in watching the family reunion to notice him staring at the Queen, _again_. Not including Dale.

The moment Robin turned to little John, he'd caught sight of his newest recruit staring at the Queen, a deep frown on his face, arms crossed in front of him tightly, observing her intensely.

They hadn't been at the castle long, but he had to admit: it had done Dale some good.

He'd quickly learned that not all royalty was the scorn of the earth, and had understood more than ever why they didn't stereotype people. He hadn't been questioning Robin as much as before, and his tone was now more curious than challenging. And so many other things that Robin thought would take him at least a year to work through. And while the Prince and Princess –Or King and Queen, he really didn't understand- had played a big part in opening his eyes, he knew he owed a lot of it to the Queen, Regina.

Robin knew, and had to repeat it to himself several times a day, that it was Dale's close observation of the newly reformed Queen that had made him change his mind about so many things. That his watching and studying her had quickly changed his demeanor towards her and the other royals, and the other merry men and himself. He'd seen things through a different light, and was probably still processing it all, and he was still watching, studying.

And Robin tried to remind himself that really, everyone was watching the Queen like a hawk, careful of her every move, still not trusting her fully, and she paid them no mind. And also, that he really had no place or say in anything related to her, and should not care at all about other people's eyes (especial men's) always on the Queen. Hypocritical really, when Robin had been watching her when he'd caught Dale.

He had a danced with a young, blonde woman first, smiling and swaying them gently to the music as she smiled back and he had concentrated on the tune of the music, trying to keep his mind and eyes away from the Queen. Concentrated on the joke's some of his merry men told as they spun his dance partner away from him and left him standing in the dance floor, only to be swept away by a young lady with dark brown hair, laughing the whole way.

He really enjoyed himself, but every other moment he'd caught himself searching the room for the Queen, absentmindedly surveying the ball room for her as he moved around to the music. She was in exactly the same place every time he spun a new dancing partner around. Sitting alone in the table where she and Princess Snow and her husband and the other council members had eaten. And it was when the young woman -Red, she'd said to call her- had been swept away by another dance partner and he found himself swaying with a lady much older than him but still enjoying herself immensely in the party, that he couldn't find it in himself to concentrate at all on what the woman was trying to talk to him about, because his eyes could no longer spot the Queen in the vicinity.

His body moved of its own accord to the beat of the music as his eyes still darted around trying to spot the Queen, his heartbeat suddenly speeding up and it had nothing to do with the exertion of dancing around. He managed to catch a flurry of silky, ice blue material leave through the doors leading to the gardens. When the old lady dancing with him laughed he forced a chuckle at the tale he barely caught snippets of, and a second later he had a new dancing partner in his arms, but his eyes and mind had still been elsewhere. Where did she go? Why did she leave? Was she all right? The scene of a family reuniting must have taken a toll on her; he had seen the heartbreak in her eyes, the longing, and worst of all, the defeat. And he had watched her simply stare into space with a distant look in her eyes as everyone else enjoyed themselves. Why hadn't he approached her sooner? Talked to her, maybe attempt to make her smile, even if it was just the little upturn of her lips she did that time with Roland, but it was beautiful all the same, watching her eyes light up even just a tiny bit. Maybe he should have asked her to a dance, lift her spirits a bit? Right, like she would ever dance with a thief of all peasants. His mind raced with a million thought s all revolving around the Queen and her lonely departure.

That particular melody ended and everyone erupted in cheers and applause, while he had turned away and headed to the balcony. So here he was, following her with his eyes, and he wanted to see her smile, he really did. And he vowed then that he would, somehow he would. He would take away that frown and bring that light back into her eyes. And he would do his best to keep her smiling, for his own selfish reasons, for all he wanted was that smile directed at him.

* * *

Of course he would be there, what made her think otherwise? He was still an honorable and responsible man, and there was still a woman pregnant with his child. Maybe. Most likely. Whale was still taking her blood samples.

She wasn't inside with them anymore though. She knew it was her pride, and her curiosity, wanting to know how big of a chance there was that her sister was actually pregnant, the reason she hadn't walked out the moment Robin arrived a few minutes after Whale showed up. She even managed to stay composed after Whale had started asking about their sex life, like a normal doctor's appointment and Zelena had looked her way, not even trying to hide her smug smile as she answered. But when her heart sunk and soared at the same time when Robin intervened and specified it had only been the one time, shooting her a pained and almost pleading look, and Zelena was smiling, she failed to see the need to stay any longer; the bracelet would do the work, her sister's magic was restrained, she didn't have to be in there, she'll hear about the results from Whale later.

Emma showed up just as she stepped out and closed the heavy door, a bit early to practice the barrier spell they had talked about, asking her about Henry and breakfast and the school bus, and though at one point in their lives it had annoyed her and she would have snapped saying she knew how to take care of her son, now it was only a sad pang that ran through her chest, but knowing well that she would be asking the same questions, capable parenting on Emma's part or not. After answering and guiding Emma through the spell she wondered, if Robin would have the same discussions with Zelena.

"Earth to her Royal Highness." Emma literally snapped her out of her thoughts by snapping her fingers in front of her face. "Is this right or am I going to blow up the whole psych ward?"

Regina scowled at the blonde and reached out with her magic to check her handy work. She crossed her arms over her chest again and rolled her eyes. "I doubt she'll punch through the wall. Just concentrate the energy around the door."

Emma did as she was told and after receiving an approving nod from Regina, smiled slightly to herself and looked down at her hands, still proud and surprised at her own abilities and control over them. But looking up at Regina again, her face grew somber again and now there were no more distractions standing between them to avoid the topic. Her voice was soft and careful when she asked "How are you doing?"

Regina frowned and glared at her, her arms crossed tightly in front of her in the most defensive stance Emma had seen on her in what seemed like forever, and her clipped response was even more disconcerting.

"I don't see how my personal feelings have anything to do with the lesson, Miss Swan."

Emma was quick to shake her head, taking a cautious step towards the other woman, undeterred by her cold demeanor and harsh eyes. "Don't do this," Regina looked away then, swallowing hard and glaring at the door instead. "You can't just…" Emma trailed off, watching as Regina trembled slightly, trying to hold herself together, and Emma frowned deeply, wishing she could do something, anything. Friends. They had become what she never thought the woman capable of, or herself, for that matter. And she'd practically promised her to bring happiness to her life, but it seemed she was the furthest from it than she had ever been. Still, they've been there for each other, she'd seen and been with her at her most vulnerable, something she knew Regina was quite incapable of doing with just anyone, and Regina had saved her from drowning in darkness, from murder, "You can't just shut me out, not after everything."

The brunette breathed in deeply, her voice coming out frailer than Emma had ever heard her and it broke her heart, to see the haughtiest, most proud and strong woman she had ever met, unable to even keep her voice in check anymore. "I know, just please," She looked up at Emma and her eyes were not harsh anymore, the façade gone, "Just not now, ok?"

Emma nodded, sighing heavily and looking towards the closed door again. She wished she could do more, help her, but Regina didn't exactly do 'heart to heart's, and she doubted there would ever be a 'later' like she'd implied. She would probably never hear about the topic again, and perhaps it was for the best. With her own turmoil going on in her heart and mind right now, she didn't know how much good she could do. Two broken pieces could hardly hold each other up.

There was a bang from the other side of the door, someone trying to push it open, and Emma raised her hands, disabling the spell and opening the door in a few moments time, again looking over at Regina for approval, but the other woman was back to her holier-than-thou stance, back straight and arms no longer braced in front of her as if to hold herself together, simply showing more power with how tall it made her look, and her face a hard mask again, taking a step back from the door to let Whale and Robin walk out and close the door behind them, her eyes on the doctor and not the other man.

"She seems to be in perfect health, but I won't know anything else until I get these samples tested." Whale said as he lifted the little glass collection tube filled with the thick red liquid that was her sister's blood. She half expected it to turn green any moment now. She inhaled deeply, keeping her focus on Whale even as her magic picked up on Emma successfully covering the door with magic, and also feel Robin hovering over her, having stepped too close but she would never step back from anyone, never. Never again. Not even if he a made her every muscle tense up and the hair on her skin stand on attention, or her heart race and made it difficult to keep her breathing normal.

There was a time when these were all feelings she breathed in and enjoyed, with how much of girl he made her feel again, giggling and pulling him closer to feel more. Now though, they were because he made her uneasy, too close, too warm, too much feeling she hadn't worked out yet, not ready to even look at him, her heart an open, gushing wound, and him so close was like salt.

So she missed the last bit of Whale's explanations, but he would call them when he had more concrete information, so she'll clarify then. And as he walked away through the hall, she felt a sense of dread wash over her. She'll call 'them'. Not Robin, 'them'. And she knew why they needed her around, but wondered if she could just let Emma do it. She had magic, she could handle this. She rolled her eyes inwardly. Who was she kidding? Next to Rumpelstiltskin, Regina was the only one in the town capable of holding down the fort when it came to magical dangers. Emma wasn't in complete control yet and the Dark One was off somewhere messing with the author -she had to get to that soon. And it was her sister, she was her next of kin and kind of had to be there, plus, she wouldn't put it past her sister to try something against her niece or nephew.

She was snapped out of her thoughts by Emma, asking her if she needed anything else. Her eyes meant different words though. She was giving her an out, to leave with her or make up something they needed to talk about, giving her permission to use her to get out of the conversation she knew would happen if she was left alone with Robin, a conversation she wasn't ready for, but at the same time quickly deciding that she wanted to get it over with.

"No Emma, I think the spell is working well."

The blonde nodded and barely acknowledged Robin with a nod, and there was that dread again, stronger now, and she didn't even know what to say, where to start, how she could start working through what happened, how they ever could. If they ever could. She was looking at the door, her head turned a little to the side away from him, staring at it as if to set it on fire with her gaze, but it blurred, tears suddenly marring her vision when he softly whispered her name, taking a step even closer to her, his warmth burning her side in the worst way and she wanted to scream, because she was shattering in her head, over and over again, loud and pained and tear filled and broken sobs of

_I can't do this…_

"Regina, I…" He trailed off, losing his words as well, and she hated that he was staring at her so intensely, knowing there was no way he wasn't seeing the water in her eyes and the scowl on her lips keeping her from letting out the watery sob that was stuck in her throat. When once he'd coaxed smiles and laughs and moans out of her, now there were sobs and frowns and tears she was trying to hold down. And she was really, really trying to focus, knowing she had to say something, watching out of the corner of her eye that he looked almost as broken as she felt, but all she could rally hear was him shouting at her, putting himself between her and another woman, ready to maybe fight to protect her, and her heart breaking, and it was one of the most painful things she had ever felt in her long, agonizing life. And she couldn't shake it off, and she couldn't hear anything over the rush of blood in her ears, over the scene playing over and over again in her mind's eye and she felt too raw, too open, and so, so betrayed. She couldn't do this, she was too hurt, and his closeness wasn't a comfort any longer, his scent was making her cringe and his voice was making her ache. He simply wasn't her sanctuary from the harsh punishing world anymore, he was part of that world.

"I-" She found her voice and the heavy silence between them was broken, and upon turning her head to be face to face, but still looking down and avoiding his eyes, he moved so close that she didn't dare move in fear that they would come into contact with each other and she would break. So close that when she raised her eyes she was looking only at his lips, inviting lips, slightly parted and she really just wanted to forget, to lean in and start over, anew, have him wrap his arms around her and soothe her pain, let her cry on his shoulder until she couldn't anymore and be ok again. And she wanted to comfort him too, run her fingers through his hair slowly and lightly caress his scalp with her nails until he purred and forgot about his worries too.

Worries like her sister and the possible baby…

And she looked down again, her momentary lapse in judgment gone and now remembering where she was and why. And it was because of her that they were here. Because Regina had enemies lurking in every corner and Robin and Roland had suffered for it. Yet another reason to rethink this. Time, yeah, she needed time to think things over, to – no, time wouldn't help a damn thing. She breathed in and got ready to speak, getting her resolve back, because time hadn't eased the pain of losing Daniel, it hadn't helped with the agony of being the King's personal whore, or with her mother's betrayal… no, time wouldn't do here.

"Regi-"

"I can't do this." She voiced her thoughts before he could his, because she didn't know if she could handle it if he spoke.

His face crumbled. She looked up just in time to see his eyes widen and his mouth drop. And the sheer heartbreak in his eyes made the tears in hers come back, spill over and run down her cheeks, and his hands came up to frame her face, a desperate look overtaking his features. "Regina, no."

She sobbed then, the dam breaking and her voice barely a tearful whisper. "I'm sorry Robin, I'm sorry. I can't."

His hands tightened slightly as he shook his head frantically and simultaneously bent down and pulled her up a bit so their foreheads were pressed together, a small whimper leaving his lips as he threaded his fingers in her hair to pull her even closer and his breath was so warm against her lips as he begged. "Regina please, we have to talk more about this, we have to try and work something out."

She sobbed harder, her whole body shaking with it and she brought her hands to wrap around his wrists, not sure if she wanted to push him off or pull him closer, so she held on tightly to his scorching skin, eyes screwed shut and absolutely dying inside as she heard his pleas and labored breathing hot against her lips.

The knot in her throat threatened to choke her, but she forced the words out, her sobs mixing with them and she couldn't even try and pull it together, barely breathing in between the constricting agony in her heart and throat. "I'm so sorry this happened to you," _Because of me_ she wanted to add but knew that it would bring up a whole new different type of talk that she was not delving into, ever. "And I wish-" a sob shook her whole body and one hand moved away from her hair and she let it go, trailing down to her back and he wanted to pull her into his arms, but she pulled away, using her hold on his other wrist to push him lightly and stepped back, his hand falling to his side, the other between them still held tightly in her grasp, his eyes pained and miserable, tears now leaving them.

She did manage after all, to get at least some of her bearings back, and she breathed in deeply, and said in a clearer more determined voice "I wish I could be there for you, I wish this hadn't happened." She looked to her right then, to the door covered in so much magic, shields and protections and soundproofing and burning energies, and her magical fingers came upon it, her fingertips grazing it as she envisioned their future, the surface tickling and cold. "But it did." She pictured ultrasounds where she stood outside, a baby (her niece or nephew) and Robin and Roland and her fighting with Zelena and a delivery where she probably helped Zelena. "And I'll be here."

She looked away from the door then, and turned to her hand around Robin's wrist. "But not like that." And she let him go.

That seemed to sober him up. She looked up and met his eyes, showing her hurt and trust, and acceptance. His face was scrunched up in a painful grimace, but he didn't say anything else, only looking towards the door like she had, and nodded sadly, as if accepting his mistakes, and understanding, things just couldn't be the same.

* * *

The author had screamed and cried when she snapped the quill in two, as if she'd broken one of his bones, but then again, it was probably an equivalent to it.

She poured herself a tall glass of red wine, gulping down half of it before putting the glass back down and sinking further into the couch, her face somber as she stared at the black TV screen reflecting her and her living room back.

Henry had gone to bed an hour ago, hugging her tight and saying he was proud of her. Her heart had jumped to her throat and she'd almost cried in happiness, and knew she made the right choice. For him. Again, and over and over again, and for now and always, for him. For her Prince. And the reward was him, and his love, and she knew everything was going to be all right.

She'd been so, so tempted, with the author in front of her and the quill in hand, and the realization that Lily's blood would do. With the author looking at the tapped together image of page 23, she'd thought that now was the time to get her happy ending. But her prince had texted her, an emoji of a very happy face, and the text reading that he'd gotten an A on the project. And their conversation at breakfast had rushed back, of him happily talking about baby Neal and Snow gushing over the baby and how much he cried, and the loft was just so noisy with everyone and that he loved spending time with them, but how he preferred being home for homework and school projects and quite dinners and- to be honest, her brain only registered the word 'home', and she'd had to rail her emotions in, smiling brightly and forgetting her heartache.

That text had had the same effect. She'd smiled at the phone, her fingers on her other hand going lax around the quill. Her mind wondered at the joy he brought her, and how far they've come. It hadn't been easy, but they were here now. And she quickly realized, she was about to make a huge mistake.

Rewriting history was not the answer. She should know by now that forcing someone to love you only ends in pain. And what she'd been about to do, it was just that. Rewriting history for a chance at a relationship that actually had a chance between her and her soulmate, would just be like locking all the windows and doors in the house and hoping Henry warmed up to her.

She wrote her own destiny; she had no right to dictate other's feelings though. That would never be real, if she had to force him to not hurt her like he had. It would be a sham. Reality was hurting like a bitch right now, but the happiness she had achieved with Henry was much more tangible and satisfactory than anything she could hope for from a rewrite.

So she snapped it, and brought Isaac to the sheriff's station, where Charming was sweaty and pale and explained how Emma pissed off Lily and they had to work with Maleficent to get her back to human form. Regina offered to check on Snow for any internal injuries or concussion, but was –dare she think it- proud to know Emma handle it.

She'd thought about seeing Mal, but was too emotionally exhausted to handle it today. So she got some coffee, a milkshake and doughnuts from Granny's and picked up Henry from school herself, calling Emma on the way to confirm that he was staying with her tonight.

And it had been blissful, laughing with him and cooking dinner while he did his homework in the kitchen to be close, and she'd told him what she'd decided about Robin, and the author, and he'd beamed. So she knew she was going to be fine, with Henry close and him wanting to stay the night and the rest of the week. She was going to be ok.

* * *

**Please let me know what you think and remember, OQ endgame. Slowburn though.**


	4. Chapter 4

She was startled out of her reverie by a knock on the door. She frowned, looking away from her reflection on the TV that she had been staring at for the past hour or so, and dreaded getting up from the couch to find out who dared disturb her at this hour. Her heart lurched for a second, packing slightly, fearing that there was trouble again. Lily had gotten back to human form; the author was locked up, so what now?

She had kicked off her shoes earlier and curled her legs besides her while she nestled herself into the armrest of the couch, a blanket draped over her lower body and her toes were tingling, the numbness had been slowly creeping up her legs for the past half hour or so, and she knew that if she tried to get up now, she wouldn't make it very far.

She stretched anyway, got on her feet and put the now empty wine glass down on the coffee table. Blood rushed back to her legs and unbearable pins and needles took over, and she shifted from foot to foot as a she tried to make her way there and there was more knocking, a bit more insistent now, and she glared at the door. Half past midnight _and_ demanding. This had better be an emergency.

They knocked again and she was concerned and irritated at the same time, still jumping slightly to keep the pressure from being too much, and they knocked again and she pulled the door with more force than necessary, annoyed, but her face went slack almost immediately, the discomfort in her legs forgotten as she looked Robin right in the eye for a heart-stopping second, knots and emotions and everything forming and twisting inside her painfully before she looked away and at Roland instead, leaning heavily against Robin's chest, head on his shoulder and legs lax around his hips, hanging limply from his father's arms, sleepy eyes focusing on her but he made no move, just stared at her and blinked sleepily.

"I'm so sorry to barge in on you like this, at this hour." Robin spoke before she could react, his tone tortured and apologetic as he readjusted Roland a little higher and the boy buried his face deeper in his father's neck, but didn't close his eyes. "He can't sleep, and I-" His voice broke and he stopped, closing his eyes and chocking on a sob it seemed, and she breathed deeply, looking away, feeling her insides tear apart, with pain, longing, guilt… "I'm sorry, I didn't know what else to do." He was almost in tears, holding Roland even tighter to himself, breathing hard as he tried to keep it together for the sake of his son, his broken son.

It had almost been too late, her body shivered with just the memory from yesterday when they returned. She had handed Roland the potion, his beautiful, trusting eyes on her as he lifted it to his lips. And then she sensed it. Almost too late. A fraction of a second more and he would be dead.

For someone as experienced in magic as her, the feeling of it around her was just an afterthought, unless it was someone else's, or the magic of a potion merging with someone. And she had administered a few memory potions in her life, and knew what they felt like in the magic surrounding them: cold and aloof on the way to the person's lips, and then warm and strong going in, before turning cold again, and empty, as it finished the job.

But yesterday, she hadn't felt any of that. She was right in front of him, standing tall and keeping all of her attention on him as the little boy stood in front of his father, smiling as much as she could to let him know it was all right as she handed him the potion. The air around Roland turned hot, too hot, and she had frowned, watching the tiny bottle in his tiny hand as he slowly brought it closer to his lips. The air burned then, the rim of the bottle pressed to his lips now, and she snapped her hand down hurriedly, panic rising in her throat and the boy gasped and the bottle shattered at his feet and he looked up at her startled and wide eyed, eyes that were already rimmed red in an unnatural way, and she gasped in the horrified realization that she almost poisoned him.

He started crying then, but she could only stare at him with horror painted on her face as Robin picked him and rocked him a bit, and asked her with worried eyes –not judgmental anymore, she noted, but was too relieved to ponder on his guilt for his earlier actions- what went wrong.

She swallowed down the lump in her throat and heard Roland cough, a ragged cough, and she made the vial at their feet and its spilled contents disappear, and his breathing went back to normal almost as soon as she did so. Robin was concerned, asking her again what had happened, and with a heavy heart she told him there was nothing she could do. Roland was allergic to poppy dust, the main ingredient in a memory potion, it helped numb the mind. She almost cried on the spot, watching Roland cower in his father's arms.

He'd been through so much in the last few hours, taking the news of a witch impersonating his Mama as any four-and-a-half year old could, confused and just hanging on to his father. Until he actually saw Zelena, wearing his mama's clothes –who he'd thought was his mama- , with her hands tied behind her back and he'd hid his face in his father´s neck, and looked at everyone distrustfully.

He was weary of everyone, shying into his father like never before and crying when anyone got too close. She'd heard Robin talk to him, saying he could trust Regina, that she was powerful and no one could pretend to be her, that Queens couldn't be faked, and so the little boy had stood in front of her with trusting eyes and almost drank that which would have killed him. And then he'd cried and cried into his father's necks and she had walked away, to her house, and broken down. She'd failed again.

And now he was looking at her through his curls –he needed a haircut, Zelena had obviously not worried about that- falling across his face and leaning into his father, but imploring eyes on her, broken eyes and a part of his innocence that could never be returned. She loved him, had grown close to him in the missing year, and had allowed herself to love him fully when she'd regained her memories and thought that they could be a family. And she felt that lump back in her throat, because Robin came to her door for help, and Roland was looking at her with sleepy puppy eyes that begged for comfort she couldn't give. She had already told them, there was nothing she could do. Dreamless Sleep potions had poppy dust too.

"Robin, I'm sorry." She said in an almost broken tone, wanting nothing more than to comfort them both, save them both, but she couldn't. "There's nothing I can give him."

"No, I know that." He shook his head, rubbing his hand up and down the boy's back, coaxing him to sleep, and Roland looked about ready to faint, but he would snap his eyes back open. Eyes that were healthy again, no sign of the awful close encounter anymore. "But, I think maybe he'll feel better with you."

Regina scoffed, befuddled by his words, one hand on the half open door and the other on her hip now, shaking her head incredulously and looking away, because it hurt to hear that. She knew Roland liked being around her, and she had showered him with her motherly instincts since day one. But that had been so long ago, they'd lost all contact since 'Marian' had returned, save for a trip to the park all four of them just before they left. He'd had another Mama for a while now, and she wanted nothing more than to take him into her arms again, but she had no idea what was going through his mind.

She forced herself to look at Robin when he started talking in a small, shattered voice, tears barely held in. "Regina I failed," Her heart clenched and tears sprinted to her eyes immediately, her body going rigid. Robin hugged Roland even tighter to him, if that was possible, as if he was all that was keeping him on his feet. He probably was. "I failed more than I ever thought possible, I failed to recognize her, I failed in doing the right thing, I failed you, I failed him," he closed his eyes, and pressed a kiss to Roland's curls, long and hard, holding him to his heart. "He's so scared he won't close his eyes." The last words came out broken and Regina raised her hand, unable to contain herself anymore, and slowly so that Roland could see she meant no harm, she reached for him.

The little boy watched her hand, drowsily, but he wasn't scared of her, she noticed, and her heart soared in happiness when she placed her hand on his back above his father's and the boy didn't even flinch away.

She smiled at his boy, a bright smile that Robin almost cried for, a smile he saw every time he closed his eyes, a smile he feared would never be directed towards him again. But a smile she still had for his son, and his son wasn't afraid of her, and he did let a few tears go, thanking the Gods for at least this, for this to not be as irreparably broken as maybe he and she were. "He knows you, he has never forgotten you saved him, and he still trusts you so much, and I just know, in my heart, that he'll be ok here."

She looked away from Roland's beautiful brown eyes and snapped her gaze to Robin, eyes wide. "What do you mean?"

"Please, please, for him, I'll go, but he didn't sleep a wink last night and he's been nodding off all day and night but he wakes up crying and there's nothing I can do." He said frantically, almost begging her, he's hand moving up on Roland's back towards hers, the heat almost burning hers, too close. "I know he'll be able to rest with you, I just know it."

She opened her mouth to speak, unsure of what he was trying to say, what he was asking of her. But he spoke before she could again, "I promise it's for him, just for him, I'm not asking for me, but please, don't turn him away please." He was beside himself with anguish for his son, and she had no plans to turn him down, not Roland, and she moved her other hand away from the door, placing it on his arm, clasping his strong forearm in comfort, ignoring the alarms going off from every part of her body at the slight contact, because he was desperate and she wasn't going to let him down, not when it came to Roland, she could never.

Her touch made him choke on his words and he stepped closer to her on impulse, and she gasped softly, straightening up, the movement bringing their faces even closer together and she could feel his hot breath on her face. They would be almost touching if it wasn't for Roland between them, and with her bare feet flat on the cold ground, she was short enough to have to crane her neck to look him in the eye. And she looked away instantly, because he was begging her with his eyes, begging for Roland, but also begging her for more, for them, and she couldn't handle that look. So she focused on Roland and swallowed down the lump in her throat and the tightness in her chest, forcing a smile to her face, and fighting her every instinct to step back, step away from his father's heat, so close and tantalizing, eyes begging her to step into his arms.

She moved her hand away from Robin's forearm and gently brought it to Roland, brushing back some of the curls over his eyes, stroking his check softly, and his face crumpled, a whimper leaving his lips and her heart sunk, her hands ready to move away from him but instead of flinching away, he raised his limp arms and wrapped them around her neck. She was close enough that he didn't have to move much before he was completely in her arms, using his arms around her neck for leverage and pulling himself to her, wrapping his legs around her and she held on fast, returning the tight embrace and his tears quickly wet her neck, and she held on tighter, closing her eyes and burying her face in his curls, unable to contain herself and she sobbed silently against him, reveling in his weight and warmth, safe in her arms. And she would fight for him, she wouldn't let him go again.

Robin's face was so, so close to hers where he had leaned his forehead against the back of his sons head, his hands above hers around the boy, soothing him, soothing them. But she ignored him, focusing on Roland.

But she sobbed a little harder, because she had dreamed of this, this embrace, although happier, with Henry, all four of them together and happy and it was broken, and she wished once more that things could be different.

It wasn't long before she calmed herself down and whispered calming words to Roland, and promises she prayed she could keep, and he stopped crying too and turned his head, making Robin move back a little, looking at his father but his little body was still wrapped tightly around her. She kept her eyes on Roland, one arm around him holding him to her and the other now stroking through his curls, watching out of the corner of her eyes as Robin watched her intently, so much pain and emotion and just _guilt_ in his eyes. Then he leaned forward and kissed the top of Roland's head, barely missing her moving fingers.

"Good night my boy." He said against his curls and Regina's heart lurched in her chest again, panic, insecurity, joy and gratitude blossoming in her chest.

"Robin, are you sure about this?" She had to ask, she couldn't believe he was doing this. She couldn't really grasp the idea of him thinking his son was better off with her, even if it was just for the night, even if it was just for him to get a good night's sleep. After she rejected him, after she ended everything between them, after she sent them over the line because it was 'the right thing to do', after she got them involved in her messed up life, after he found out she killed his wife, the mother of the boy she was holding, and he still wanted his son around her, with her?

"Regina, I trust you." The sincerity in his eyes broke her hear all over again, made her feel low, so low, for doing this to him, for not wanting to work things out. He looked much more relaxed now, with Roland in her arms, sure that she wasn't going to deny him this. "And he needs you, a real mum, right now." More tears, she already had a headache because of them, but they fell into Roland's curls anyways, "Regina, he's had a very different life for the past months, and it's all been…" He waved a hand around, trying to find a word to express the horror of everything that happened, "ripped apart, and he just needs some normalcy from the past, from a time when things made sense, when things were good."

He looked her right in the eye as he said that, expressive, deep blue eyes that conveyed so much more, so much guilt, and regret, that he'd tore them apart, that the good between them was gone, and she was too hurt to take him back. "Whatever happens between us," He placed a hand on her upper arm, strained from Roland's weight, and she couldn't move, transfixed in the intensity of his gaze, the conviction in them that it couldn't just be over, and then broken again, when he said "or doesn't…" He placed his other hand on Roland's back, smiling down at him, now asleep in her arms, "please don't let this end too."

It made anger rise in her, that he was pushing Roland and her together now when it was his fault they had been apart in the first place. She knew it wasn't that simple, but it had been him that went back to his 'wife' and to camp and left her alone and empty with a pair of Henry's old pajamas washed and in the folded laundry ready for the first night Roland was going to stay at her place, after they all got back from little Neal's coronation.

She tightened her hold on Roland, her eyes going hard and Robin dropped his hands, knowing he had said the wrong thing. "I hadn't wanted it to end." She hissed angrily, pressing Roland harder to her, insecure and afraid that Robin would just lose his patience with her and snatch him away.

"I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry." He apologized in earnest, shaking his head and imploring eyes begging her again for the softness she had permitted a second ago. But she had been vulnerable again and she shouldn't have allowed it. She just held on to Roland and took a step back into the mansion, away from him. Robin sighed heavily and deflated, knowing he had just screwed up a chance, a very small window he could have started to work with.

She didn't want to let him in, she really didn't, but knew she had to. She couldn't just go back into her house with his son and slam the door in his face, no matter how much she wanted to. It was _his_ son. She swallowed and took a deep, calming breath, bringing herself down from her anger, pain and pride. "You can stay in the guest room."

To her utter surprise, he shook his head, raising his hand to caress his son's sleeping face, squashed against her shoulder. "No, I don't want you to think I'm doing this to get to you. This is only for him, and for you, I promise."

Her breath caught in her throat when he came close enough that she could feel the warmth of his skin near hers, as he leaned in and kissed Roland's head, a long kiss, that had her holding her breath as she felt his scruff almost brushing against her jaw, his scent engulfing her even as she tried not to breath it in. She let out a shuddering breath when he stepped back and couldn't look him in the eyes as he bid her farewell and said he would come back in the morning.

She was too relieved and overjoyed too question it any longer. She had Roland in her arms, safe and warm, and she was going to do everything she could for him, everything she thought she wouldn't get the chance to do. She stepped inside and closed the door.

* * *

He woke up three times. The first time about an hour after he fell asleep in her arms–he'd been so deep in his sleep he hadn't even stirred when she changed him and tucked him in her bed besides her- , twisting under the covers and his little face scrunched up in what she could only assume was a nightmare a little boy like him had no business having. She turned the lamp on and woke him up as gently as possible with her hand on his back and hair and gentle words. He'd opened his eyes and stared right at her, relaxing instantly and sniffling, curling further into her arms under the covers until he was on top of her, head on the bare skin of her upper chest exposed by her sleeping gown, and fell asleep again, her hand running up and down his back.

It was half an hour before he twisted off of her in his sleep and spread himself out besides her, and another hour before he started whimpering. She turned on the lamp and rubbed her hand up and down his back, whispering soft words in his ear to try to get him out of the nightmare and back to the previous peaceful slumber. He startled awake anyway, gasping and then crying hysterically, loud and anguished and holding on to her for dear life, gasping and then crying out sobs and hiccupping and she held him tight, humming a lullaby she hadn't sang since Henry was 5, whispering reassurances and he eventually calmed down, but not before waking Henry with his loud outburst, who came into her room worried and confused, but one look at the scene on his mother's bed was enough for him to understand everything, and he curled into the boy's other side, singing along with his mother to a song he didn't know he still remembered.

He fell back asleep between them, still shivering little whimpers before going into a deep slumber, and she thanked her wonderful son, telling him how much she loved him, and how proud she was of him, reaching over Roland and stroking Henry's hair back and he only smiled at her and fell asleep in her bed with her hand running through his hair.

A deep blue hue was starting to light the sky when the third time came around. She had been asleep when she felt the kick in her stomach and woke up to Roland struggling between her and Henry, feeling trapped and a fit coming on. She stood up and picked him up before he could wake Henry again, struggling a bit as he kept twisting, scared in his dreams and she made it out of the room and closed the door before he started crying. She ran down the stairs before the louder cries started, and she paced the first floor with him until he calmed, but although he stayed in her arms and leaned heavily and limply against her as she hummed and walked back and forth, it wasn't until the sky was a full light morning blue that he fell back asleep. She moved to the couch then, adjusting him in her arms and under the blanket she had left discarded there the night before, and fell asleep too.

She opened her eyes slowly, a little disoriented at first, weird high pitched sounds and music and hushed conversations, and a very stiff back and neck somewhat upright on the couch. She groaned and rolled her neck first, before opening her eyes to the TV on the morning cartoons, Phineas and Ferb and that explained the high pitched sounds and music, and it all came back to her, Roland now off of her but curled up on the couch, head on her lap as he watched the animated genius boys. She smiled at the mop of brown, disheveled curls on her lap and ran her fingers through them gently. Roland turned his head to look up at her then, before smiling brightly up at her. She beamed, leaning down and nuzzling his tiny nose with hers. He let out a chuckle and brought his arms around her neck, and it wasn't terribly comfortable, to be bent like this, but she didn't move, not until he kissed her check and she kissed his forehead, nuzzling his nose again before straightening up, their smiles still in place as he turned back to the TV when another song started.

She picked up the remote and pressed a button. The time lit up on a corner of the big screen before disappearing. 8:52am.

She wondered how long he'd been awake, trying to calculate how much time he'd actually slept, and then the hushed conversation was brought back to her attention, coming from the kitchen. She focused on it, listening over the sound of the TV.

There was Henry's voice, her little boy's voice transitioning into that of a man's. And another voice, a British accent, and for a second she stopped breathing and imagined Robin in her kitchen waiting for Roland. But then a laugh and that was not Robin's laugh. It was Dale, and she sighed heavily, her hand caressing Roland's curls.

She'd reluctantly gotten used to his presence in her house, Henry had too, but this would be the second time he was in her house before she woke up, and she knew he meant well, but it bothered her in ways she couldn't explain. Or rather, didn't want to explain. A man looking after her, there for her even if she had turned him away countless times, with trusting eyes, trusting her and inviting her to trust him and just so willing to help. A good man, but not the man she wanted around. A man sent by the one she wanted back.

She looked back down at Roland, before she stroked his cheek and asked softly and hoarse from sleep. "Want to go get breakfast?"

He turned his eyes back up to her, smiling and nodding eagerly. She chuckled softly at his enthusiasm, before standing up with him, conjuring up her robe, wrapping it around herself and trying to smooth her hair down a bit, and Roland was bouncing on his heels, grabbing on to her hand when she turned off the TV.

The conversation in the kitchen halted almost as soon as she stepped inside with Roland in tow. "Hey Mom! Good Morning Roland." Henry greeted her with a big smile, a spoonful of cereal halfway up to his mouth. Dale got up from his stool besides Henry, straightening up and putting down a mug he had in his hand.

It was the first time since last night that Roland let go of her, bouncing over to Henry with a bigger smile that deepened his dimples in the most adorable way. She grinned, happy to see him smile, and noticed, disturbingly, that although he was smiling and accepting Henry's attention, he wasn't speaking. "Dale stopped by asking for you, I invited him in for a bit." Henry broke her out of her thoughts, getting a bowl for Roland and pouring him cereal. She was still watching Roland though, beaming up at Henry but quiet as a mouse. "If that's ok…" Her son's hesitant voice brought her back to reality and she looked up at him, and at Dale standing awkwardly now.

"It's ok Henry," She told her son gently but didn't look Dale's way, reaching down and helping Roland sit up on the high stool in the kitchen island. "Would you like some pancakes too?" She looked the small boy right in the eye, and he looked back at her and nodded with a toothy grin, but still didn't speak. She tried again as Henry poured some milk into Roland's bowl. "Do you want apple or blueberry pancakes?"

He scrunched up his face as if he was thinking about the most difficult decision of his life, a cute little frown on his face before he pointed at the apples in the fruit bowl on the counter. No words. She sighed, smiling down at him and deciding to let it go for now, but would have to look into it later. She asked her son the same question, and he gave the same answer, although he voiced his reply.

She was about to address Dale, when he turned to Roland. "Hello Roland, how are you? Feeling better?" He asked in an overly eager tone, and when they boy only nodded, she realized he'd seen her same observation. And he tried again. "I was wondering where you went off to last night." That honest statement erased any thought of him knowing about Roland in her house beforehand and coming to pick him up, but there was still no comment from the little boy, who only looked sheepish and glanced her way before taking a spoonful of cereal.

Dale looked up at her with a worried frown, but it made her uneasy that he was still here while she was still in her nightwear under a thin robe. She felt bare, too open, and he'd seen her without her mask several times already, but between the raw emotions of yesterday with Robin at the hospital and at her doorstep, she didn't want any more exposure.

"Would you like some pancakes, Dale?" Her tone towards him was not as gentle and sweet as it was towards the boys, and he knew it wasn't really an invitation.

"Um, no thanks, I was just leaving." He cleared his throat when she turned her full attention to him, the boys now busy with cereal. "I just wanted to stop by and see how you were." The sincere tone of his voice set her off.

"I'll be right back boys." She said to the two kids engrossed in cereal, one small and oblivious, the other wise beyond his years and knowing better than to butt in.

She turned and walked out of the kitchen, and Dale followed her out until they were at the foyer and she opened the door, memories flashing in her head.

_It was almost impossible to keep herself on her feet, watching him stare at the now seemingly empty road in front of him, his face in a terrible grimace that showed the weight of his honor on his shoulders. His eyes looked ahead, searching, maybe for her, but their eyes never met again. He couldn't see beyond the invisible line anymore._

_Holding Roland tight in his arms, he finally turned away, wrapping an arm around his wife's back and walked away, away from the town and the life and the love now lost to him, maybe forever._

_Her vision blurred, her breath caught in her throat and she took the page out of her pocket, looking down at it for a moment, q bitter smile gracing her lips. She felt so, so stupid. For believing. For getting her hopes up. For letting her guard down when she knew knew she needed to push him away, him and Roland. Love is weakness._

_No, it's not. It's light and powerful. But if you lose it, it can tear you apart piece by piece until there's nothing's left. Whatever made her think she had a chance? She'd done too much, ripped so many lives to pieces, tore families apart, killed a lover in front of the other, because she took pleasure in the despair and utter horror and pain in their eyes when watching their loves fall. Like she had._

_And Villains don't get happy endings. They don't deserve it._

_In despair, anger, and heartbreak, she ripped the page in pieces, walking to her car, and threw it away._

_She's reached her mansion, glad she had the house to herself for a few more hours before Henry came home for dinner. Unless he decided to stay with the Charming's again._

_He'd moved back in, wanting to be close after the whole fiasco with Zelena and living in New York for a whole year, but he also missed his grandparents, and loved hanging out with the stupid pirate. She didn't blame him, couldn't, and reminded herself that anyways he lived with her, but she still felt a pang of sorrow whenever he decided to stay the night with them._

_She locked the door and walked to her study, where there were several maps strewn around. She had been in a hurry less than an hour ago to find the one she knew would be best for Robin and his family to find their way to the dinner, and then New York. Now it was just a mess of maps she had collected of all the places she wanted to visit, but was too afraid leaving would disrupt the curse somehow, back then. She'd used one of them when she'd left to get Henry as a baby, and a few others she'd dug out of the drawer when she'd gone with him to some nearby towns and cities._

_So now she busied herself with cleaning it up, and distracted herself by checking them, taking the one of Italy, her favorite, and wished she could take a vacation, just for a few days, get to know this little world she'd brought them to so long ago. But the town line had been tampered with and she couldn't risk not being able to make it back to Henry._

_She sighed, putting the last map away and closing the drawer, and she checked her phone, then berated herself for doing so in the first place. She couldn't keep her hopes up, not anymore, it hurt too much. She sighed again, looking around her study, before sitting on the couch, contemplating the events of the past few hours. Everything had just happened so fast, and now that it was over, really over, the weight of it all was crippling. The silence of the huge mansion was worse than ever before, when not so long ago there had been so much hope of it being filed with love and laughter and family._

_She was startled out of her reverie by a knock on the door. She frowned, looking away from the spot she had been staring at for the past 10 minutes or so, and dreaded getting up from the couch and having to talk to anyone. But she did._

_She was more than confused to see one of the Merry Men on her doorstep. She knew him, had had a few spars with him in the Enchanted Forest at the beginning, before he'd backed off, like many people had during that year, when they'd realized she'd changed, but were still weary. He'd been of big help along with Robin's other men in their different missions and searches of her sister. But Dale in particular, she had heard from Robin, in one of the only times they'd been able to enjoy time and easy conversation together, before Marian came back. Robin had praised him for changing as much as he had, letting go of past prejudices and biases and accepting that people could change._

_And he was at her doorstep, standing tall and sure, honey brown eyes gentle on her, like she'd never seen them before. She'd probably never even had a civil conversation with him, let alone looked him in the eye. He was the same height as Robin, with light brown hair that looked darker in the almost-night time._

_"Your Majesty," He gave a curt nod at her and she raised an eyebrow at him. Did all Merry Men have to be so unbearably polite and proper, was that in the job description or something?_

_"Yes, can I help you?" She asked in an almost irritated tone. She was in no mood for anything right now._

_He gulped then, as if just now coming to the realization of whom exactly he was dealing with, and her short temper, and the inappropriate timing. "I… I wanted to… well we, actually…" He stumbled over his words, not so sure of himself anymore, and Regina took pity on him, Robin's own fondness for the man bleeding into her, but she did roll her eyes, even as she held a hand up to stop his incoherent rambling._

_"Relax, I won't bite." She teased in a gentle tone, and he stopped and smiled a little. It tugged at the corner of her lips too, even if just a little._

_"I apologize, Majesty,"_

_"Please, that's too formal." She chastised and crossed her arms in front of her chest, craning her neck a bit to look up at him. "Now tell me, what is it that you needed?" Her voice was a lot gentler, trying to be anyways._

_"We were worried, we know how close you and Robin had become, and his and Roland's departure has pained us all." He paused, seeing her frown and look down. She felt irritated first, taking a deep breath to calm down. On top of the whole Charming clan she now had to deal with these morons as well? Then confused. Wait, was this for real? Where there really more people that cared about her feelings? People who thought she was more than what she had been, not only pretended to accept her, to appease her and set her off into a murderous frenzy? "We just, want you to know, we care."_

_She had learned a long time ago to read people, and she knew right then that he wasn't telling the whole truth. Ah, so she was right –they didn't care- , they wanted something. She glared at him, angry beyond belief, that they would use the current situation and hurt to get something out of her. She felt rage rise in her, and she didn't even try to tamper it down. "You're lying."_

_His face paled, hearing her voice like that, like no one had heard it in a long while. Cold, measured, low and throaty, and she gave him credit for staying so composed and straight as she placed her hands on her hips and raised her eyebrows menacingly, and threatened. "You are going to tell me what you really came here for, and it's going to be the truth this time, or you'll be crawling back to your camp."_

_He was rigid, trying to keep his cool, and his eyes moved up to meet hers again. "Robin sent me."_

_It was like a kick in the stomach, she let out a surprised breath, her arms dropping from her hips, and she looked away from his warm, concerned eyes. Her heart clenched tightly in her chest, and she fought for her composure._

_"He asked me to make sure you were all right, to look after you." He kept going, even as she closed her eyes tightly, trembling slightly at the implication of it all. Robin had asked someone to be there in his absence. He cared that much. It wasn't even that he thought she couldn't handle herself, he knew she could, he just loved her that much. And she felt memories of his love take hold and she wanted to cry. "And I know you don't need to be taken care of, you are more than capable, but I will be here, in whatever way you need me to be."_

_His voice was so gentle, and that accent was so much like their land, so different from everything surrounding them, and his words, and she wasn't going to cry, she wasn't going to crumble in front of a stranger. She knew him, but not really, and it was overwhelming, feeling Robin's love hang around even if he was probably halfway to that dinner by now, and it hurt. It hurt that he was gone, that she'd done the right thing and she was miserable, and she wanted him, here, with her, not one of his men, not his honor, just him. She'd done so much and all she'd gotten in return was a stranger at her door offering her condolences._

_"Thank you." Her voice came out in a hushed whisper, but she couldn't trust herself with anything more. "That's very nice of you, and of him, but I'll be fine."_

_"I understand, but know that I'll-"_

_"Leave." She found her voice and snapped. She didn't need or want this right now. She was done, done with caring, it was too much._

_He pressed his lips together, looking at her with an expression she couldn't decipher, as if wanting to say more, to comfort her, but he nodded curtly, and turned around and left._

_She slammed the door as soon as he was off her property, and screamed, only once, a tear or two running down her anguished face, and hearing her scream echo in the empty house unnerved her, imagining how happy they could all have been here._

_She grabbed her coat and left the empty house, cleaning away her tears and driving to Granny's. Anywhere to be away from the silence, any distraction._

That had been the first time she kicked him out of her property and her vulnerable life, but he kept coming back, and she'd eventually let him in, just a little, just for coffee, just for a walk to her office, just for a drink, just for a movie with Henry, once to lunch, and she'd accepted him into her life, cautiously enjoying his care, and reveling in his presence that reminded her that Robin had cared as much as to send him.

But now it hurt, more than it ever had before, because Robin had jumped into bed with another woman while she was here slowly learning to live without him. Dale had been here as her comfort this whole time, and she'd accepted it because in truth, it was Robin's affection, because he'd sent Dale, and now that burned. Anything that had to do with Robin, except Roland, just felt like ash in her mouth and salt in her wounds. So she turned to him, ready to kick him out for real this time. "Look, I get it, you merry men and your stupid honor," Dale sighed and leveled her angry gaze with his calm ones as they stood by her open door and she continued "but Robin's back, I'm sure he's relinquished you of your duty by now, and I assure you, you did a damn good job, but it's over now, and you need to leave." The last words were accompanied by her hands gesturing to the door.

He didn't budge, standing an arm's reach away from her, clad in a blue flannel shirt rolled up to his elbows and light blue jeans, crossing his arms and her eyes glanced at his muscular arms for a split second she didn't even notice, before he spoke. "Trust me Regina, although I was hoping we could stay… acquainted, I was more than ready to give up my time with you and leave you alone as soon as Robin came back. But the moment I saw him come back to camp, I knew I wasn't done."

She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off and her eyes almost bulged at his tone of voice "Let me finish." She still couldn't believe he dared speak to her like that sometimes, and that she let him get away with it. "I'd like to think we have become friends, somewhat, and as your friend, I know you're not okay, I know Zelena's pregnant," She looked down with a hurt expression, and he placed his hand on her shoulder, like he'd done so many times before, and she didn't pull away. "And I can only imagine what you are going through right now, but would you please let me be here, for you?"

She looked up into his warm eyes after a moment, not really convinced that he wanted to be here for her, without Robin's orders. "Aren't you supposed to be on his side?"

She meant it as a jab, but he shook his head in earnest, putting his other hand on his other shoulder in the gentles of gestures and making sure she looked him right in the eyes as he said. "It's been a long time since I've been here for you, just you, and not because he sent me, and I'm not going to stop now." That made her feel so much better, so elated, that she still had him as a friend, somewhat, a real friend, not tainted by the pain Robin had poured on her, and she sighed in relief, because she could stop pushing him away now, because he was her friend regardless of Robin, and she could do that, she could do with a friend.

She felt tears spring to her eyes at the realization that she didn't have to deal with it all alone, and smiled up at him, tentatively, but the smile he gave back could have brightened up the darkest of rooms, and she felt happy that he was happy to be here, and laughed a little, relieved.

She let him back inside for breakfast and she was able to laugh some more, with him and Henry joking and teasing, and Roland smiling besides her.

* * *

**Hi guys, thanks so much to the ones who review and expressed their interest in the story, Although, I must admit I was a bit discouraged by how few the reviews were. Don't get me wrong, I love writing, but if there aren't readers to the story, I don't see reason to continue. So please let me knew if you really do like it and would like me to keep going,**

**Remember, angst is the center of this story, and OQ endgame, always.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello everyone, thank you very much for the reviews. I'm sorry it took so long, I just have a lot of work and I had a neck injury that I've been dealing with but I'm finally feeling better.**

**Anyways, I want you to know that the goal of this story is angst, of tension and pain and working through it and making mistakes and moving on but not letting go and it's long but I promise it's worth it, I just really want to build it, I don't want a bad story where everything just happens from one day to the other with no character development. It's an awesome story, you'll see, with tension snapping into hot smut and M rated for a reason, so just stick with me, but also keep in mind that although I love the Follows and Favorites, I also really want to see reviews, I want to know what you think. And because if a story has several chapters and few reviews, newcomers will not be really interested in reading it, and it kind of demoralizes me to.**

**Thank you for your understanding and I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

Dale helped her load the dishwasher as she went to get Roland and herself ready, not knowing exactly when Robin would be showing up to get him but not wanting them to be in their sleeping clothes still. Henry stayed downstairs chatting him up.

She lost track of time upstairs, playing with Roland in the water and reveling in his laugh and giggles, then taking forever with him in the stash of Henry's old clothes and letting him look through them and decide what he wanted to wear today, and take home to keep. She'd tried not so subtly to get him to talk, asking him direct questions or commenting on things he'd probably want to respond to, with no luck.

She knew she should be patient, knew children had different ways of dealing with trauma, and this was a rather common reaction. She worried though, felt her belly clench with anxiety every time she asked him a question and he evaded eye contact instead, turning away and ignoring her. She would look this up in the internet later, get herself acquainted with the subject, and if all else failed, she would take him to Dr. Hopper. She had to mention it to Robin later as well, and honestly, he was the one who would have to decide what to do. He was Roland's sole parent now. She relished in his smile though, knowing he still felt safe and happy somehow, and that meant he would recover sooner rather than later.

He wasn't entirely happy though when she'd told him to go downstairs and wait for daddy with Henry. His smile fell and the hand he'd had around hers when he'd been jumping in front of her on the bed while she tried to brush his hair, had tightened. She soothed him and told him she'll be down soon, but she needed to get ready first. His lower lip quivered and he stepped closer to her, until he was on the edge of the bed, tears now in his eyes and he looked down, and it broke her heart. "Oh, sweetheart, I'm not going anywhere, I promise." She ran her hand through his soft and still damp curls, softly tilting his head upwards to make him look at her. He was looking at her with the biggest puppy eyes she had ever seen, dimples gone with his frown and she pulled him against her chest for a hug. "Shh, it's all right, come on, your safe now, ok? Me and daddy will take care of you, I promise." She soothed him and he brought his hand up, still wrapped in her arms, and sucked on his thumb. She'd never seen him do that before, had met him at an age where such behaviors were already a thing of the past. But it seemed that the stressful days he'd had had now made him go back to old habits. She sighed, and decided against pulling his hand away from his mouth. "I'll go downstairs with you, all right?"

He nodded eagerly at her offer and she lifted him to get him down from the bed, but he didn't let her, raising his legs before he touched the floor, making himself clear, and she didn't protest as she lifted him back up and he wrapped his legs around her to steady himself, but kept his thumb in his mouth as she walked them out of the room and down the stairs.

Henry was playing a video game, pressing on the controls furiously and concentrated entirely on the TV screen. "Henry?" He didn't even turn to look at her, just kept pressing on the controls and gave her an 'uh?'.

She rolled her eyes. "Henry, would you mind showing Roland some of your other games, I'm sure he'd love to learn."

Henry paused the game then and turned around to look at her and the little boy clinging to her. "Ok, yeah sure." She loved him so much, her wonderful boy and his big smile that made Roland relax and willingly leave her arms to sit beside the older boy.

"Thank you baby." She kissed his forehead as he passed her to get another control. She looked around then, and asked him. "Where's Dale?"

"He left after you went upstairs." Henry answered as he sat down next to Roland again and handed him a control, and then saving his game and changing it to something more appropriate for the little boy. "He got a call and went to the restaurant."

Regina nodded and watched as Henry gave Roland instructions, and he soon started playing as Luigi and followed Henry as Mario around in some version of the game she didn't understand. She smiled and watched them for a moment, hearing Roland's high pitched giggles and Henry's sweet and soft directions.

Soon Roland stopped looking her way and she quickly sneaked away to shower.

She hurried to get herself ready, showering and applying her make-up, drying her hair with magic because she just didn't want to take any longer than she necessarily had to, and picked out a pair of simple slacks and a red cotton blouse, craving for her usual power attire, especially on another day she had to face Robin. As always, she wanted to look strong and tall and unfazed, but it was rather difficult, and it was still Saturday, she just didn't want to get another earful from Snow to 'loosen up' at least on the weekends, in case they ran into each other. Plus, she hoped to go do something with Henry today, she knew he would appreciate her easier wear. She hurried with her clothes and modest jewelry.

By the time she went downstairs though, she breathed easily and realized she had nothing to fret about. Roland was still with Henry at the gaming console, entirely entertained and happy to forget his troubles.

She left them to their game, uncaring that it was already 10:15 and Henry was still in his pajamas. Roland was having fun and laughing and she didn't want to interrupt that. She went to unload the dishwasher as thoughts of Dale loading it in the first place invading her mind.

He had struggled greatly, like the rest of the merry men, not knowing what to do in this small town with commodities and democracy, where you worked hard and got to keep what you worked for, without needing to worry about it being taken away by a tyrant. So stealing was out of the question, and they were at a loss as what to make of themselves now. They helped with security for a while, following Robin's order and acting as guards when protecting the princess and her baby, searching for the Wicked Witch and any clues related to her in the woods around them. Then the Snow Queen dilemma had kept them busy. But after that, their leader had left town, and silence had befallen Storybrook, no dangers to fight, no poor to protect, and what's worse, no leader to follow. So they'd dispersed, some staying in the woods and sometimes doing odd jobs in town for a bit of cash or food, while others tried to find something stable in town and once finding small and simple positions, moved into Granny's and were content for the time being, while they continued to learn from this world and decided what else to do later on.

And there had been Dale, little John and Will, who took to helping out at Granny's and the Rabbit Hole as well, before deciding to open up their own place, like when Robin had for that brief amount of time. Regina had been surprised, not so much by their decision, but their loyalty, still following Robin's example and guidance, still following their leader, no matter how far away he was.

And who could blame her for taking a ridiculous amount of money and lending it for their project? It wasn't favoritism.

It wasn't.

She was the Mayor after all, she knew how to handle her town and she knew that they could do with another establishment. Everyone was fond of Granny's and she was sure they would always be, but some variety never killed anyone. She made sure to tell Dale not to open a place exactly like Robin had, because they had The Rabbit Hole, you could find booze and French fries, decent music and pool, and one of those was enough for a town as small as theirs. She gave them some pointers and advice and more often than not Dale was in her house distracting her with questions about the place. So she was sure their business would strive, and the money would be paid back in no time.

The grand opening was still a few weeks away. They bought a big yet beaten down barn-like structure near the woods, and were still restoring, painting and decorating it.

She was just getting the last plate out of the dishwasher when the doorbell rang and her heart dropped to her stomach. She felt rooted to the spot for a moment, she couldn't get her feet to move towards the door, until she heard Henry shuffling closer to the door and she jumped into action. He was less than happy about the situation and was a bit confused about Robin right now, and she just didn't want him having to face all of that drama. She got to him just before he opened the door, and gently pushed him towards the stairs and to get ready for the day. He frowned and scowled like only the son of the savior could, and reluctantly followed her orders.

She braced herself and called for Roland and he came bouncing from the living room, already in the brown boots he was wearing the night before.

She opened the door and Roland was in his father's arms the next instant. She looked away for a moment, swallowing down the lump in her throat it created. Seeing him like this, so sweet and caring and holding his little boy like nothing else in the world mattered, it was probably the first thing that made her fall in love with him in the first place, and it was still beautiful and pulled at her heart strings like nothing else did.

"Regina, thank you so much," Robin's voice was strained, putting Roland down on the ground but still holding onto his little hand by his side, looking at her with apprehensive eyes, and she wondered what he was going to throw her way now.

"What's wrong?" Her voice was strong yet she crossed her arms in front of her chest, readying herself.

Robin took a deep breath and looked down at Roland and caressed his soft curls before looking up at her again and answering in the most unsure tone she had ever heard from him "Whale called, he said he needed to tell me something about-" He cut himself off, not wanting to bring her up in front of a clearly calmer and well-rested Roland, but he sighed heavily, looking into her eyes, pleading again, but for something different now, "He said he tried contacting you too, that it was important, but you wouldn't answer. He asked me to be at the hospital at noon."

She honestly didn't even know where her phone was, hadn't seen it since last night right before he showed up with Roland, so she wouldn't know about the calls, but from the look of things, Robin thought she was ignoring Whale, and his voice was begging for something he wouldn't say. He wanted her there with him.

She looked away again, and swallowed heavily. She knew Whale would only contact her if there was something involving magic, and that made her uneasy, wondering what could be happening. She doubted he would try to contact her just because it was her sister. Yet, she was the Mayor, and Zelena was a prisoner right now, so she was her responsibility. But Robin looking at her like that, begging her not to make him go through this alone… She couldn't say no, she couldn't, she wanted to comfort him maybe just as much as she wanted to push him away.

"I'll be there at noon."

* * *

She was practically running out of the hospital, her heart in her stomach because she felt like she was going to throw up. This was too much. She felt sick and disoriented, and frantic, to do something, anything, trying to ignore the twisting in her gut that screamed at her the truth and warped her vision with death. There was _nothing_ to do. It wasn't something they could fix, magic nor science could do anything for her sister. And she stopped just outside the hospital, leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, trying to collect herself, her breathing and her senses.

The small amount of magic that had left her sister's pendant and activated the portal and gave her a new body and life force, was just that: a small amount. It had powered a huge magical portal into a faraway past, and given her strength and a fully operational, brand new body. But it was running out, had been since the moment it was activated. Whale had discovered it in her blood samples, and with Robin in the hospital they had looked into a microscope and seen a drop of her blood zoomed in, watched as her cells deteriorated right in front of their eyes. Whale assumed the magic was running out faster now, what with a new life force to sustain inside of her. She didn't have long, maybe a couple of months, and in weakening health at that. She will not live to carry the baby full term, or could miscarriage simply from the strain it was taking on her body.

Regina felt sick, felt bile rise up her throat and she leaned harder against the wall, trying to compose herself, but all she could see was a dead woman and a dead baby, and the doctor's words were screaming in her head _She won't live to carry the baby full term_ and_ just a few months left_ and _bed rest is her best chance_ and _vitamins to keep the baby strong, maybe it'll survive a premature birth when she dies_ and Regina puked, she lost the battle with her body and vomited, her chest and throat burning and she couldn't breathe as she retched and pushed the last bit of breakfast out her body and couched and heaved and couched again, heavily and spitting.

"Regina?"_ Fuck._ She could feel a hand reaching for her and knew it was Robin, could sense him more than see him, but she stood straight before his hand could reach her back with the comforting touch she knew he wanted to give her. "Regina?" No, no, she had to do something, anything, she couldn't let this happen. She took in big gulps of air and opened her eyes. Her vision was clearer now, though her stomach was still doing summersaults and her legs were still shaking.

"Regina," He was there right beside her and fuck, no, she had to do something, and she had to find a way to fix this.

Rumpelstiltskin, he had to know something, he had to, it was their only chance. It was her sister's only chance, and the baby's. Regina took a deep breath. She hadn't thought about her mentor, about the condition he was in the last time she saw him. Sprawled on the floor, pale and withering, like she'd always wanted to see him, rolling on the ground in pain for all the hells he put her through. At the moment though, it didn't bring her as much comfort. He needed to be all right so she could ask him about this.

"Gold, he'll know what to do, I'm sure of it." She said while using her magic to clean herself up, and the mess she'd made, ignoring Robin's pleas to calm down and take a moment and then she was gone in a swirl of purple smoke, placing her hand on Robin's shoulder and tugging him along.

They arrived outside the shop and the sign said 'closed', but she'd be dammed if that let her stop her. She was about to storm in when Robin grabbed her by the elbow and pulled her back. "Regina! Are you all right?"

She met his eyes for the first time since they'd sat in the chairs outside Whale's office at the hospital talking about Roland, and she couldn't breathe. She did this, again, she did this, she wished it, wanted her gone so they could be happy, wished she had never existed and it was coming true, right before her eyes, but no, no, this is not what she wanted, she changed her mind and made the right decision. So why, why? Dammit, why?!

"Robin, he might know a way." She said frantically, trying to reassure him, false hope, false, because her stomach was twisting, her chest tightening, she knew the truth, you can't bring someone back form the dead, she shouldn't be alive in the first place. "Maybe he knows, he has to."

"Regina, I know, I know you will do everything possible to try and save them, I know." He let go of her elbow and cupped the back of her neck, making sure she couldn't look away from him as he talked to her. His eyes were full of sorrow, tears edging them and she remembered his words in the hospital, to Whale, asking him about the baby, the baby, if there was any chance, pleading for answers. A baby he's only known about for a few weeks, but already loved, and continued to do so, despite the way it was conceived, despite the woman carrying it. And she felt tears choke her, she'd wanted this, how could she have ever wanted a child gone, just like her mother, just like her mother, "But Regina, I also know the reality of things." But Robin wasn't letting her look away and she felt warm, calmed by his eyes, beautiful blue eyes that weren't judging, not anymore, not like a time a few days ago when he tried to push her back so she wouldn't hurt the woman carrying his child, now he was with her, and she let him push a strand of hair behind her ear with his other hand, edging closer to her, tears now fully in both their eyes, "We'll figure something out." He was now the strong one for the two of them, and they'll figure it out, maybe, maybe.

She was able to breathe easier after that knowing that he was still on her side, at least, and she nodded, taking a step away from his warmth, warmth that had brought her a moment of peace, and now reminded her of why she'd been away from it for so long, and what they were in front of the shop for, and she didn't miss the hurt rippling in his eyes, the shiver that racked his body as she composed herself and pulled away, turned away, and opened the door to the shop, him following her in a few breaths later.

But there was nothing to help them there.

Gold was sprawled out on the bed in the back of the shop, the apprentice hovering over him with the dagger, and Regina panicked at first, but Belle was there, eyes rimmed red. "The darkness is eating him up, his dying."

And Regina didn't know what to feel, or what to think. "He can't just die, not like that."

"Not his body, his soul." It was Robin who spoke, looking intently at the dagger swirling darkness out of Rumpelstiltskin's chest, and into a round box. "What is he doing?"

"I, am trying to save him, the man, and lock away the darkness." Said the apprentice, looking as old and wary as ever, concentrating on his task, but sighing heavily for maybe the fourth time since they walked in. "But it's not so simple. It won't go without its host."

"He worked all last night and all day today, but it's not working." Belle said in a broken voice, on the verge of tears. "It's not working."

Regina could only watch as the old man trembled and sweat with the effort, watched as dark, dark magic that felt heavy and impossibly dense in the air was sucked from an unconscious Gold into that hat-box thing.

She could feel the darkness perk up at her presence, her old, old friend, some of it getting away from the old wizard and trailing her way, but she put her hand up immediately, frantically thinking of Henry, of Roland, of warmth and love but it was still coming closer, slowly, fighting the wizard's hold on it.

Robin placed his hand on her shoulder, encouraging, protectively, and it was a blast of energy to her system, because the darkness reeled back, and she looked at Robin with wide eyes, a flash of the magic she'd felt the time he'd held her heart surging through her, and she held it, used it to push the dark wisps of magic further away from her.

But it was coming faster now, leaving the Dark One faster than she could push back, and she felt truly afraid for the first time in a long while, feeling it wrap around her and try to consume her and pushing Robin away in a gust of cold wind, getting him away from her and she trembled with the effort to keep it at bay. "Robin!" She cried, needing him, needing the light magic their pure connection provoked, but she could see out of the corner of her eye as he struggled to get close to her, but darkness kept pushing him away.

A terrible, blood curling, screeching was all she could hear, a terrible sound only darkness like this could make, a sound that pierced her ears and drowned out her screams and she did, she did scream, for mercy, because it was cold, so so cold, cold trying to penetrate her soul and freeze her and she cried out in pain, but couldn't even hear herself, and then it was over, the cold disappeared and she dropped to the floor with a painful thud, warmth rushing back to her as Robin's hands cradled her face, brushed her hair back and breathed her name.

And then it was Belle's cries, heartbroken and Regina could hear the apprentice trying to explain, apologizing, begging for her understanding, but all she could see was Robin, Robin on his knees besides her, cradling her face and fighting back tears. "You're all right, you're all right." He was trying to reassure himself more than her.

"I'm so sorry lady Belle, there was no other way." The old man was trying to soothe the girl crying over the empty bed, explaining frantically, apologizing. "Lady Belle, the darkness wouldn't go without a host, I had to send him into the hat, or it would have taken the Queen as host!"

She couldn't make heads or tails of things, couldn't understand the old man rambling, she tried to, but Robin was helping her up now, and before she was fully on her own two feet, he was wrapping her in a tight embrace, holding onto her for dear life, his face in her neck, breathing her in and she was still so shaken, having almost lost all her hard earned light to that monstrous dark, and she held him too, getting her breathing under control, and letting warmth seep back into her soul.

_Just for a moment_ she thought to herself as she breathed in deep the smell of forest that gave her peace and pain, and pretended not to feel his relieved tears on the soft skin of her neck.

* * *

The darkness was locked in a box now, or in a hat, she wasn't sure. With the host. The apprentice said there was no other way. He'd tried to lock it in alone, without anything human tethering it, but it wasn't working, and it could overwhelm the power of the hat. It was the safest thing to do. To put it back where it came from, with a human armor around it and put it away where no one could let it out ever again.

She did not know how to feel.

She was lost, numb. She stared blankly ahead, sitting in her car for almost an hour now, parked in front of her house. It was late afternoon and Henry wasn't staying tonight, he'd gone to lunch with Emma this Saturday while she'd gone to the hospital, and then he called to say he was going to watch a movie at their place, but it was getting late and she knew soon he would call and say he'll be back tomorrow for dinner.

And that was for the best, considering how he'd been woken up the night before by Roland, and Robin had said that he would drop him off later tonight, and Henry needed a good night's rest. After all, Neal was sleeping through the night now, and honestly, she needed a little more alone time to gather her wits.

Maybe her numbness and slow, shallow breathing was due to the news not fully sinking in yet, and she was still trying to process it all, leaning heavily in her seat, unable to find it in herself to get out of the car and even walk. The darkness had done a number on her, and she was still shaken up, but really, it was the notion that the only person who could have had any idea on how to help her niece or nephew survive was now locked away in a magic hat, in her vault, under a blood spell, and the dagger to open it far away in another land wherever the apprentice had left to.

And Robin, being in his arms again, tears had flowed freely, and right now she felt like crying again, at just the memory. It felt so right, and she knew it was right, it was fate, there was no denying it, not with how only his touch had given her so much strength to fight the darkness. But that was it, it was fate, all fate's work. They were destined, and she was sick of it, sick of fate dictating her, pushing towards a man who had brought more tears than smiles, and she hated the fact that she fell in love with him, she shouldn't have, should have told fate to stick it and walked away. Instead, she let go, let herself free fall, accepting their destiny (although not easily) because at the end she believed that if fate had put him in her path, then maybe it was for good. Well, she'd been wrong, and she was overwhelmed, holding back tears now and pinching the bridge of her nose as she took deep breaths.

She felt so alone in that moment, remembering how Robin was reluctant to let her out of his embrace, and the resignation in his eyes when he did, and let her go with Belle and the apprentice to her vault with the magic box. She wanted his comfort back, but the wounds were still too raw for her to feel anything but uncomfortable accepting anymore warmth from him.

And, her fingers had been itching for the past 20 minutes, wanting to reach into her pocket and call Dale. She knew he would listen to her and he always had something to say at the end of her rambling, easing her down from the frantic longwinded explanation of her worry of the day and making her see things clearly, and in a better light. And she wanted to talk to him now and tell him what had happened today at the hospital, at Gold's shop, at her vault with a crying Belle saying goodbye for the last time… It was one of the most overwhelming days in a long time, and she really did want to talk to someone, someone who she knew gave her comfort. But another part of her didn't want to seek him out, not so obviously anyways.

It was all just very confusing really.

She hadn't let herself see how close they had actually become, with him there practically holding her up while she tried to not crumble under the pain of Robin leaving. She'd had to hide it from Henry, smiling and staying positive for his sake when he looked for a way to help her. The Charmings wanted to be there too, but it was difficult, with the baby and them all still recovering from everything she'd done, every single moment a constant reminder of how far they've come, but also, what they had to come back from. And Emma was too enthralled in her beautiful and growing relationship with the pirate, that she tried to be there, but it was just really hurting Regina, seeing her so happy just because, while she fought for a semblance of normality and peace in her life.

So Dale had been there, for a little more and two months now, and after thinking that he was going to walk out of her life for good when Robin came back and his 'task' was done, she'd had to face the truth: it hurt to think she was losing him, and realized that yes, he was her friend.

It all just came into light now, with him telling her that he wasn't leaving, and how happy it had made her, and it had creeped up on her, this feeling, it had been building right before her eyes but she'd been busy protecting herself and pining after Robin that she'd ignored it completely. She'd grumbled and groaned whenever he'd show up but now she knew it was just her trying to push him away. It hadn't worked. Like another certain Merry Man, Dale had been persistent and patient and now she couldn't deny how grateful she was for him.

But through it all it had always been him coming to her and her pretending to not want to talk and him staying until she did and unloaded and him coming back. Now she realized she loved to talk to him and really needed it right now, wanted to talk to her friend and hear him reassure her that she was strong enough to handle anything that came her way (like Robin used to), but was too proud to give in and call him to her for the first time ever.

Which means she had been sitting in her car for maybe 40 minutes now, first trying to work her mind around the news from Whale, and the last 20 minutes trying miserably to handle it all, while simultaneously fighting the growing need in her gut to call Dale, to ignore her pride and defense walls and swallow her pride and give in and let him help her.

She sighed. She couldn't do this alone. It was a lot to take in, and she hadn't even started to think about how Robin must be taking it. And now that her mind brought up Robin her heart clenched at the thought of him and how he looked at her when they received the news, looking for support, but her just walking out of the hospital in her own daze and her whole body ached for him, to wrap him up and tell him that they would find a way, that magic and medicine could work together and things would be all right. She wanted to comfort him so much, but she just wasn't so sure, not really, and this whole mess just pointed to him sleeping with her sister and here are the consequences, and this was too much and she wanted to talk to someone.

She bit her lower lip, taking her phone out of her pocket, and she unlocked it, Henry's smiling face showing in her background as she tapped on the green phone icon and she searched for Dale's number and bit her lip harder, her fingers clenching around the phone with the need to drop it and not do this, not make the call and be strong and handle it herself, not show him this weakness, but she found the number and she was calling him, her heart almost beating out of her chest when it started to ring signaling the call had gone through, and she held her breath, hoping he wouldn't answer so she-

"Hello?"

* * *

_How bad is it?_

_What about the baby?_

_How long does she have? _

_What are the chances of… well, of the baby, surviving?_

_Is there anything you can do?_

She had tears in her eyes at his last question, talking to him suddenly opening a dam of emotions regarding her sister, putting away hate and resentment and anger and as always, it's not until you are faced with the reality of losing someone, that you realize you cared.

She didn't want to answer, not trusting her voice right now as she curled her fingers tight around the coffee mug until her knuckles turned white.

He'd answered her call and she hadn't known what to say, staying silent for the first few seconds until he'd said her name in a soft voice, a _knowing_ voice. And like a coward she'd tried to back out, something about tapping on the wrong number, but he'd stopped her and gave her an out, like he always did, knowing how much she hated to be weak and exposed and let himself take the hit instead, no matter how flimsy and farfetched the excuse was, she took it and headed to his place (he offered to come over, but she felt bad enough about imposing on his time with her stupid problems and pathetic need for someone), sat at the small kitchen bar that served as a dining table and accepted freshly brewed coffee, no milk, just a bit of sugar, because by now he knew how she liked her coffee (and her liquor).

It was the first time she'd been here like this, sitting and talking in his space and home. It was a nice place really, considering it was still under construction. There was a whole floor and a big attic above the space they were building as the restaurant, the high ceiling of the edifice enough space for the 3 men to work hard together and turn it into their separate living quarters. And she was finding it easy to get distracted in the beautiful view offered by the window his space of the place offered.

"Regina?"

He pulled her back to reality, her eyes focusing on him again and his honest eyes, honey brown eyes that looked alight with the reflection of the sunset's colors coming in from the big window. Her breath caught in her chest for a moment and she quickly looked down at her coffee and raised it to her lips. She hadn't noticed before, he had gorgeous eyes. They weren't a sea of blue, but beautiful nonetheless.

"What she is going through is something no one in history has ever been through," She said after swallowing her perfectly warm coffee, putting the mug down and avoiding his eyes. "Well, I mean, as far as we know, time travel wasn't even possible before her spell worked. Let alone separating a piece of yourself to active a magical portal and go back in time."

Dale gave her a small understanding hum, before looking at her intently. "How are you feeling about this?"

She bit her lower lip, looking down at her coffee intently again, trying to keep her emotions in check. "I was going to write her out of the story, with the author's pen." She admitted, and continued to look down, not wanting to meet his gaze. "I wanted so bad, to write her out of my life and make it as if she had never existed, her or the baby." She chocked on the last word, her vision blurring with tears and Dale's hands were around hers on the mug now, leaning closer and giving her more support and she finally met his eyes again, and her first tear fell at the sight of his open, kind gaze. She sniffled and swallowed hard again, "So that maybe we could have been happy, so she wouldn't interfere." His hands tightened significantly around hers on the mug, and she took in a shuddering breath, but her voice was still chocked and tear-filled with her next words. "This is not what I wanted, I swear, I did not wish for it like this, I'm so sorry." She grew even more frantic at the last words and next thing she knew she was sobbing in his arms, closer than they'd ever been before, both of them still in their respective seats, but him leaning closer to rub a hand up and down her back and the other on her arm, her forehead rested on his shoulder as her body was wrecked by tight sobs she tried to hold in but was unsuccessful, her hands still wrapped tightly around the mug now on her lap. More tears were brought on by his continued whispered words of _it's not your fault, you did not bring this upon her, you can't blame yourself, we'll figure it out_…

And Regina felt low, so low. She had wished this, wished her gone from reality and her baby with her. Well, it was happening, and she couldn't stop her sobs.

"What if the baby doesn't make it? It's still a baby, a little thing. It's still Robin's, it's still my family, my niece or nephew, and I wanted it gone!" Between sobs and gulps for air, she cried out the words softly and Dale kept trying to calm her down, whispering and leaning in closer, scooting his chair closer and holding her tighter, and the smell of forest on him was overpowering, and she breathed in deeply, but it was still not the same, not what she yearned for, forest but with a hint of ale, and she sobbed harder, for completely different reasons now, but she let herself be held, and let go. She was safe with her pain here.

* * *

Robin arrived earlier than the night before, as she suspected he would. She had barely gotten in a few minutes ago and taken off her shoes and cleaned her face before the bell rang. Dale had gotten her food and she had done her best to eat it, but it had been difficult, with her stomach churning with anxiety and worry. But he insisted, and she knew he was only trying to look out for her. And right now as she hurried to open the door, she could feel what little she had gotten down threaten to make an appearance.

She opened the door and there he stood, looking worse than the day before, eyes troubled and shoulders hunched, and she met his eyes for a moment before looking down at Roland and smiling at him, welcoming him and he said good bye to his father, Robin bending down and the little boy standing on tip toes to wrap his arms around his neck and leave sloppy kisses on his face. He was in a much better mood than the night before, and that made her heart lighter.

He had a little backpack with him this time, and she was reminded of the pile of Henry's old clothes upstairs they had sorted through in the morning and that he could take home with him. She told him to go upstairs to wash his hands and change, and he was hesitant for a moment, looking at her and then at his father, and she wondered if it was too soon to think he would be all right on his own, but he was on his way before she could say anything else. Henry had already called saying he was staying with the Charmings, so he was heading upstairs alone. She hoped he would be all right for just the few minutes she would take.

Alone with Robin now, she crossed her arms in front of her chest and took a deep breath. She had felt better after talking to Dale, more sure of herself, stronger, and although everything was still on its head and she found it difficult to find her footing, she had regained some semblance of control over herself.

"Thank you, again." He broke the silence first, and she stood rigidly at the open door, face a strong mask and shoulders straight, but relaxed a bit at his words, his soft spoken words, eyes on her with so much gratitude, and pain.

She sighed and deflated a bit, arms still crossed but less tense now. "Anything for him."

He pursed his lips and nodded, swallowing hard, her eyes shifting to his neck as his Adam's apple bobbed, and she quickly looked away, her mind assaulted by memories, memories of her on top of him, straddling him and moaning, his head thrown back as his hands tightened around her thighs and hips and she kissed and licked his neck and felt his stubble under her lips as she moved up and down…

She felt a warmth creep up her cheeks and quickly started talking, not wanting him to notice. "Um, I'm going to start research first thing tomorrow, see what we can do for the baby."

Robin sighed, hands buried deep in his pockets and shoulders slumped. "Do you really think there's anything to do?"

She breathed in a shuddering breath. No, she didn't. She'd already discussed this with Dale, told him the years upon years she'd researched and looked all over the world for a way to bring Daniel back, how much she'd learned and how hopeless it'd all been. She already knew pretty much all there was to know about death and possibility of reversing it. Zelena was smart and prepared, but again, nothing could bring back the dead, it was a rule of magic. She'd bent it, found a loophole, something she'd read about a long time ago, about magic separating the soul to make an astral projection, but if to build a body, would take too much power.

"I'll try." She vowed anyways, because she did intend on trying, anything, magic or science and medicine, to at least save the baby.

He stepped closer to her, eyes burning into her. "I know you will, and I love you so much more for it."

"Robin…" She closed her eyes and was tempted to step away, because he was looking at her like that again, that look that always made her crumble. But she did cross her arms tighter around herself and straightened up even more, and he got the message, swallowing hard again and looking away with a pained look.

"I'm sorry." He apologized softly, for following his instincts, for following the undeniable pull between them. He respected her wishes anyways, would try his best to always do so. "But I am truly grateful, but please promise me something."

She looked unsure, looking up at him wearily. "What?"

"That you won't burn yourself up with this." He caught her off guard and she looked at him confused. "That you won't blame yourself if this doesn't work out. That you won't beat yourself up over this, something that is not your fault."

His words stirred peace in her over the matter. Kind of like Dale had, but surer, stronger, and she couldn't look away from him. She could see it in his eyes, the way he was already bracing himself, preparing for the worst, for the maybe inevitable, and asking her to do the same, and accept it. She closed her eyes briefly, biting the inside of her lip. "I promise."


End file.
